Dear Jimmy… We miss you. Here’s what has been going on since you left.
None of us paid our taxes, even after the IRS ordered us to. Then they threatened to take the house away, and we STILL refused to pay the taxes, so they took our house away, and sold it to pay the taxes we refused to pay!
The family business had to move to make way for a much larger business. Stupid capitalism! If only we had the same amount of money as everyone else!
Your mother thinks the laws are stupid, so instead of following the proper procedure and getting her conceal and carry permit, she just shoved a gun into her purse. Of course, the officer who found it had NO GOOD REASON to search her.
Your brother was not only stupid enough to smoke illegal drugs, but was stupid enough to get caught, too. And you know where we live, you go to prison for one joint. So he’s screwed.
Your sister is doing fine. Speaking of fine… She refused to pay the fine when she got pulled over and wasn’t wearing her seatbelt (you know how this family feels about the law!) So she has to go to court for not paying the fine.
Anyway, I miss you, son. Please come home.
P.S. Maybe you were right. We should just FOLLOW THE LAWS and stop being such assholes all the time. We sure are in a lot of trouble.
Love, Mister goddamned criminal who defies all laws.
Or you could rewrite the letter like this:
Dear Jimmy… We miss you. Here’s what has been going on since you left.
None of us paid our taxes, even after the IRS ordered us to. Then they threatened to take the house away, and we STILL refused to pay the taxes, so they took our house away, and sold it to pay the taxes we refused to pay!
The family business had to move to make way for a much larger business. Stupid capitalism! If only we had the same amount of money as everyone else!
Your mother thinks the laws are stupid, so instead of following the proper procedure and getting her conceal and carry permit, she just shoved a gun into her purse. Of course, the officer who found it had NO GOOD REASON to search her.
Your brother was not only stupid enough to smoke illegal drugs, but was stupid enough to get caught, too. And you know where we live, you go to prison for one joint. So he’s screwed.
Your sister is doing fine. Speaking of fine… She refused to pay the fine when she got pulled over and wasn’t wearing her seatbelt (you know how this family feels about the law!) So she has to go to court for not paying the fine.
Anyway, I miss you, son. Please come home.
P.S. Maybe you were right. We should just FOLLOW THE LAWS and stop being such assholes all the time. We sure are in a lot of trouble.
Love, Mister goddamned criminal who defies all laws.
Go team.
Yep, the socialism and other crap going on here does make fighting for it over there harder.
Jimmy, we are enduring this.
http://content1.clipmarks.com/content/7E8ADC46-F3DD-4D6F-B184-3A07CF501B7C/
“Yep, the socialism and other crap going on here does make fighting for it over there harder.”
Hahahahahaha.
Funny.