You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where…..
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6.. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can Live in California where…
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
You can Live in New York City where…
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ..
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4.You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual..
5. You’ve worn out a car horn… that is, if you even have a car.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can Live in Maine where…
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup , and Tabasco ..
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can Live in the Deep South where…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin'” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder.” It’s important to know the difference, too.
You can live in Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at?”
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”
AND You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist..
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
I can vouch for the Midwest and Florida. Those are both dead-on.
Thanks Gene
The good ol’ Midwest. Come in and take your hat and jacket off.
Midwest only if you hate youself and want to retire someplace where you can look forward to dying a slow, miserable, boring death. Only another 50 years for me.
I can speak for the Deep South and Phoenix. Every time I’m in Phoenix, I always expect to see a dessicated skeleton on the side of the road (still moving). And don’t forget “down yonder” in the South.
And in the Deep South, that’s only if you live in the city. Otherwise, we’re not quite that gentrified.
Sadly I can vouch for the midwest as well.
In addition to people ending sentences with “at”, there seems to be an aversion here to adverbs and past participles.
Oh well!
Ellie from Tulsa
I think you forgot the Monsoons in Phoenix.
And the Native Scenery all along strip malls.
What about the Mexicans?
Adverbs…ain’t that new math something!
XD I live in Florida and only 4 and 5 seem true for me…. well except with my grandfather, then 1 is true as well. 😀 You forgot our seasons: Sort of chilly, Summer, Humid Summer, and Hurricane.
I am stupid, I don’t that xd thing.
I live in Minnesota and I try mightily not to end my sentences with prepositions.
You can reassign most of Maine to Minnesota. Except for the moose part.
I think my favorites are New York #s 5 and 6. How the hell do you wear out a car horn? Up here we avoid eye contact because you have to look down while you walk so you don’t slip and fall on the ice.
Y’all is NEVER singular. Anyone who uses it as a singular is NOT from the South. “All y’all” is only used for emphasis, meaning no exceptions among you.
Y’all come bach, ya’ hear
.
Ayuh, I can vouch for Maine!
And I though the plural for the deep south was “y’alls’s; as in “Y’alls’s doin that wrong.”
yup you got phoenix right! walking barefoot to the mailbox in the summer = bad news
That reminds me of the movie “10”
I’ve been down yonder for 49 of my 49 years and Miss C, you got it right, y’all is not singular here.
But the two first names is accurate, just call me Gary Jeff. Btw mom…what the heck was up with that?
Gary, I like you so I am deleting is and replacing it with are. You are quite welcome.
LOL, thanks Klaw
Glad someone commented on the Deep South post. Whoever wrote this is definitely from Pheonix, Arizona and not Charleston, South Carolina. You is singular, Ya’ll is plural. All Ya’ll is a family reunion.