Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Thanks Gene
all ASSCLOWNS
if it had no electrons it would be highly radioactive and would be super positive about it.
if it were inert, it would neither slow nor speed reactions
As a bloody public officer I can verify that the findings in this research are very true. Long live the science!
and like every other man made isotope, it will eventually kill all men
I didn’t find this funny. I guess it’s because I’m a chemist.
~Mike
Really? Cause I found this hysterical and I, while not a chemist, am fascinated by it and have learned far more than your standard person. Maybe it’s because of my interest in the Government and my awareness of the overall moronic corruption of it.
Excellent! Thank you for this.
µ
I did a Science degree, was brought up by a chemist and a politician and found this utterly hilarious…
BTW – Anonymous lady – wtf? It’s a joke, way to spoil it! Some people are just to damn literal!!
For those that found this as funny, as in Sarah’s case, you are NERDS !!!! You did a science degree, what you slept your way through it or for it? Then brought up by a chemist and a politcian, WTF is that? It’s spelled politician, as infidel said, YOU ASS CLOWN !! Stop trying to be cool, cause your not, or smart for that matter, because if you were all that you would have better spelling! Governmentium give me a break, again, another person with too much time on there hands !! Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to beat the shit out of the person that sent this to me for waisting my time !!
Hello there Smart People, you can’t spell either, haha
Just goes to show you, smart people have absolutely no humor!
lolz I thought this was real until the last line.
*SHOOTS SELF IN FACE*
I didn’t find this funny, and I hate the government as much as the next guy. Maybe it is the whole being a chemical physicist and this person murdering my bread and butter with a bad joke, but I can not find the humor
oh and “smart people” be quiet and go to sleep, middle school can be awfully tough for a 13 year old, which from you comment about “nerds” is what I am assuming is your age group
Smart people,
You do not know how to spell, nor do you know how to use proper punctuatuion. So I guess your the NERD!!!!!!!!!!!
…time on there hands
…waisting my time
What a dork!!!!
Smart people woke up on the WRONG side of the bed.
Darlene…you missed
…cause your not
…if you excuse me
And too many punctuation mistakes and grammatical errors to list.
I wonder how the kid managed to spell ‘smart people’ correctly?!?
I’m smart. This is funny. Most of you should spend less time commenting on the internet and more time studying how to speak and spell the english language. Funny how you are the one’s calling other people stupid.
anyone who says that it is highly reactive is wrong. during decay, the neutrons become electrons. you all that say it is reactive should go back to high school chemistry.
A friend sent me a hard copy of this. I took it to lunch and everyone who read it thought it great! We need more of this wit.
I found the writing to be hilarious. (Also, I am glad I am a social worker).
Wonderful! Morons, Isodopes, critical morass, exactly my experience as a social worker between 1976 and 1993. Nothing changes. Its so good to see some clever puns occasionally.
I just did another Google search and found the following:
The heaviest element known to science is managerium. The element has
no protons or electrons but has a nucleus composed of one neutron, two
vice-neutrons, five assistant vice-neutrons, 25 pro vice-neutrons and
125 assistant pro vice-neutrons all going round in circles. Managerium
has a half-life of three years at which time it does not decay but
institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization. Its
molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles
known as morons.