If you make fun of a sports team for 10 years and then when they suddenly do well, you jump on the bandwagon and act as if you’ve always been a fan… you are an asshole!
If you take up two parking spaces for one car… you are an asshole! (unless you have to get your wheelchair out of your car)
If you fart while passing in front of people in the movie theater… you are an asshole!
If you complain about the government, yet don’t vote… you are an asshole!
If you drive 50 mph in the far left lane on the highway and don’t notice all the cars backed up behind you… you are an asshole!
If you complain about the price of gas, yet drive a car that gets eight miles per gallon… you are an asshole!
If you commit a crime, get caught and sent to prison, but think it is unfair…you are an asshole!
If you watch 28 hours of television a week and then say that you don’t read because you don’t have time… you are an asshole!
If you commit a crime, get caught and sent to prison, but think it is unfair… you are an asshole!
If you send chain letters of any kind (this includes those stupid e-mails that you are going to make a ton of money or some sick child will benefit because so-and-so company will track your e-mails even though that is impossible)… you are an asshole!
If you are Christian Bale… you are an asshole!
If you put your makeup on while driving… you are an asshole!
If you blast your horn at the driver in front of you a split second after the light turns green… you are an asshole!
If you stay in the movie theater while your baby screeches his head off… you are an asshole!
If you have a lame homepage that takes forever to download because you have cheesy music and way too many graphics… you are an asshole!
If you think welfare is an occupation… you are an asshole!
If you talk shit about people without knowing the whole story… you’re an asshole!
If you complain about your weight problem and still eat at McDonalds… you are an asshole!
If you yell at people on t.v. to do something even though you know they can’t hear you… you are an asshole!
If you ask stupid questions and then get pissed off when returned with stupid answers…you are an asshole!
If you loudly entertain the whole bus/park/lobby/ beach/neighborhood with your boom box, car stereo or iPod blasting so loud in your ears that we can all still hear it… you are an asshole!
If you call for a pizza, tell the guy to hold, then ask what everybody wants…you are an asshole!
If you write “U” instead of “you,” or “sux” instead of “sucks,” or “klik” instead of “click” or “kreative” instead of “creative”…you are an asshole!
If you think welfare is an occupation…you are an asshole!
If you ask every Asian person you meet, “Do you know karate?”… you are an asshole!
If you think only women should cook…you are an asshole!
If you hold people up in line at the store to pay for a one dollar pack of gum with a credit card… you are an asshole!
If you ask someone a question but don’t listen to the answer…you are an asshole!
When you are the boss and send out an email telling everyone in the office to show up on time and then stroll in 30 minutes late everyday and leave at 10 to five…you are an asshole!
If you make a list of what constitutes an asshole… you are an asshole!
If you wrote a list full of reasons why someone might be an asshole and forgot to check it for repeats, then you’re an asshole!
I noticed that too but I didn’t want to be an A$$hole about it! 🙂
U guys noticed it 2?
I’m glad I didn’t write the list. 🙂
I might be slightly guilty of #3.
I used to have a couple of asshole symptoms, butt am now reformed.
Now I have that Assh@le song stuck in my head!
You had me at the title. My first reaction was ‘yep’ even before reading the list. I know I’m a sh!thead too, because one of my best highschool friends often called me that. She ended up being salutatorian of our class and is now a doctor, so she must have been right.
Gary, that AHA program worked for me as well.I go to meetings 3 times a week…the asholes are closed the other 4.
I hear you make good friends at those meetings. Nothing’s tighter than a roomful of @ssholes. Their handshake is kinda weird though.
I take hand sanitizer.
If you’re a member of Congress.
If you are a leftist who lives in the US and spews forth anti Americanism.
If you are for gun control for law abiding people.
If you think that government is the solution to your problems.
If you think that Barack Obama is a moderate. (Then your a stupid asshole)
If you are Bill Maher.
If you are too afraid to add to a list because the list says you will be an asshole if you do.
If you’re jimbohassler
I think I’m only guilty of asking the stupid questions. But I take exception to one other. With the little swipey things, its faster to pay with a credit card than cash. Especially compared to old folks who insist on digging out exact change. I’m still not guilty of this one, because I NEVER buy just one item.
If you don’t know which spelling of your/you’re means “you are…” (This also applies to there/their/there, to/too/two, etc.)
As for me, I’m an asshole…but I don’t do anything on that list. 🙂
Derek,the your/you’re thing drives me nuts….but i’m an assoholic and I can’t help it.
Klaw, i’ve fallen off the wagon, help!
Derek Im guilty of those,hey at least I admit it
Paul in Boca, is that all you got?
Next time I’m down in Deerfield on business let’s have a chat.
If you cut one in the elevator just as you are getting off.
I have to admit that I scream at the TV.
Richard, I do believe you have the winner description there!
that’s all I need
MY NAME IS JESSICA AND I’M AN ASSHOLE