F*** My Life

When life hands you lemons… let the world know….

A few examples:

  • Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn’t pick up hers.
  • Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection.
  • Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying “You definitely take after your mom”.
  • Today, I learnt that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way.
  • Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, “You’re looking very white today!” He’s African American.
  • Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name “Mom” is right next to “Mike” in my contacts list.
  • Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean.
  • Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth.
  • Today, I scored the winning goal in the state finals. For the other team.
  • Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors.

F*** My Life

7 thoughts on “F*** My Life”

  1. I walked into the men’s room a while back. There were paper towels thrown on the floor. I picked them up, threw them away and talking to myself said “Pigs!!!”. Walked around the corner and there were 2 State Troopers….

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