Jack’s Back

by

Jacks back

 Season 7 starts tonight at 8 ET/7 CT on FOX.  And again Monday night at the same time.

From the 24 website:

About season 7:
Set in Washington, DC, “Day 7” opens four years after Season Six with CTU dismantled and JACK BAUER on trial. Bauer’s day takes an unexpected turn when former colleague TONY ALMEIDA returns. Meanwhile, newly elected President ALLISON TAYLOR leads the country alongside White House Chief of Staff ETHAN KANIN and First Gentleman HENRY TAYLOR.

A national security crisis prompts an investigation by a team of FBI agents including JANIS GOLD, RENEE WALKER, LARRY MOSS and SEAN HILLINGER. Although CTU is no longer, CHLOE O’BRIAN and BILL BUCHANAN are back for another momentous day of shocking events.

24  Jack Bauer Facts

  1. Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a “knock knock” joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
  2. If everyone on “24” followed Jack Bauer’s instructions, it would be called “12”.
  3. Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
  4. The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
  5. Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
  6. When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
  7. Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
  8. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
  9. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
  10. The bumper sticker on Jesus’s car reads, “WWJBD?”
  11. Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
  12. Jack Bauer has counted to infinity. Twice.
  13. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
  14. Jack Bauer invented a time machine for a seventh grade science fair. Why else do you think dinosaurs are extinct?
  15. Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
  16. Anytime, anywhere, anyone shoots someone in the thigh, they have to pay a royalty to Jack Bauer.
  17. Jack Bauer once killed a terrorist in NYC by pointing his finger, and whispering “Bang!” While eating a burger. In LA.
  18. It’s no use crying over spilt milk… Unless that was Jack Bauer’s milk. Oh you are so screwed.
  19. Jack Bauer’s morning cup of coffee has been known to jump start nuclear submarines.
  20. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
  21. If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
  22. Jack Bauer doesn’t speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
  23. Jack Bauer has single handedly tortured more people than Britney Spears has with the aid of mass media and multinational record companies.
  24. Jack Bauer has never taken a shit that has lasted more than 4 minutes and 37 seconds. Due to the graphic nature of these shits, however, they are taken during commercial breaks.

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20 thoughts on “Jack’s Back”

  1. I’ve gotta say…I’m the guy who’s never liked “24.” I love Keifer, but I don’t need 24 hours of him…and it’s been what? 36? Plus, the “terrorism” thing wears thin on me pretty quickly.

    But to each their own. I’m sure plenty of people don’t like the stuff I dig. I just wish “24” would stay on its own night and time and stop taking away shows I love for its “special two hour events.”

  2. im sorry but this is a load of bull s*** chuck norris is going to come after you guys and kill you for ruining his jokes

  3. I never bought into this whole terrorism thing myself. Bush needed something to justify his ineptness and 9-11 was the horse he rode until America was almost bled white from his “war on terror”.

    We’re no safer from the people who hate us by wading in and killing a bunch of people and torturing people who we have no idea if they actually did anything or know anything or not.

    If we wanted to go to war over 9-11 then all we had to do is ask three questions:

    “who planned the attack?”
    “who funded the attack?”
    “who carried out the attack?”

    A Saudi national planned the attack
    A Saudi national funded the attack
    14 out of the 19 hijackers were Saudis.

    Obviously the answer is to attack Iraq, and have more televsion.

    It has worked out so perfectly well for us so far, hasn’t it?

  5. I’ve never seen it. Other than the history channel, Discovery, and football, I don’t watch much else.
    Hmmm except House.

    I had no idea who Jack Bauer was until B&P started this weird Jack Bauer went whaling with an ice pick and and a ball of kite string bs.

  6. Right on…but whatever else may be true, I think we can agree that Keifer was pretty good in the first “Young Guns” movie. 🙂

  7. The only good things that have come from the Fox networks are shows that only have voice actors and no live action.

    Firesmiths got it right.

  9. Whoa. I had to check to make sure I didn’t get my TV Listings bookmark confused with my B&P bookmark!

    LOL. I guess it’s your blog and you can do what you want. I’ve never been a fan of 24. In fact, I’m not that much of a fan of TV at all, other than Football and that’s almost over.

  13. I have never watched 24 and it’s war on terrorism. I have lived it instead.

    And to Mike F. You say we are no safer. Then answer these two questions. How many times have we been attacked after 9-11? How many times were we attacked BEFORE 9-11?

    My adage of war is you never want to be the home team. We have done that. We have taken to fight to the enemy.

    If we go back on defense and play for home field advantage, we will be attacked here again and again.

    Guard SGT (ret)

  14. No disrespect intended, but how many time WERE we attacked before 9/11??? Let’s hear a number. All I can think of that was majorly noteworthy is the first attempt on the WTC (which was the same guy who we didn’t capture then either) and the Oklahoma bombing (which was a redneck dolt from the US). Otherwise, we’ve had our minor scrapes, but I can’t think of anything as globally devestating as those moments. We’ve also had many attempts made since (as we ALWAYS HAVE) and we’re going to continue to regardless of what we do.

    I’m not saying what’s been done is wholly ineffective…but that kind of talk makes it sound like we had a 9/11 every week until Bush came along and saved us. I respect our military fully…but I wouldn’t DARE confuse them with what has become of the Office of Homeland Security.

  15. Guard SHT

    I have an anti dinosaur baton I can sell you to keep dinosaurs away from you.

    You know how I know it works?

    Uh huh, you see this one coming, don’t you?

    The problem with your “home field advantage” theory is the terrorists who attacked us were not from Iraq, or to quote Dubya when someone asked, “What did Iraq have to do with 9-11?”

    “Nothing”.

    It’s a war without an answer or a reason.

    Never confuse the idea that my oppostion of that war, or the president who started it, put me in some ideologic camp or another. Never make the mistake of thinking your GI Joe routine buys you any credence with those of us who have worn the uniform.

    Take Care,
    Mike

  16. i felt the same way as you guys a few years ago. i didn’t need FOX ramming the threat of terrorism down my throat every waking hour with their “traffic light of terror” and all the cheerleading for Bush in the runnup to the war. But 2 years ago I decided, what the heck and rented the first season.

    It really is a killer show (no pun intended) just the added intensity of filming it in real time was a master stroke. It would be so much easier to allow events to unfold with jumps in days and backflashes, but this show adheres to real time as if it is etched in stone. This makes it much more difficult for the creators writers and actors, but very edge of your seat exciting for the viewers. It broke a lot of ground on what was once considered unsuitable for television, but not in a graphic or gratuitous way. The show is awesome, i am currently re-watching all 6 seasons on my ipod while enduring the dull task of riding the exercise bike at my gym.

    anyway some of the “facts” listed above are downright hilarious and yeah some of them I think Norris has the rights too, others it looks like a 7 year old might have made up.

    I enjoyed them all thanks Jonco

  18. Dear Mike:

    You lost the bet! I am just what I type.

    I am damned proud of my service. Maybe that makes you uncomfortable, but so be it.

    I have a fair amount of decorations. Enough to look good on my Class As.

    I have served a tour in Iraq. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt (donated by Footlocker).

    I don’t claim to be a hero, John Rambo, John Wayne, or Audie Murphy. I have just done my duty.

    I guess what bugs the crap out of you is that I am not silent. Well, so be that too.

    But now my career is done. But I do not plan to go softly into that good night.

    Guard SGT (ret)

  19. Mike, once again when someone disagrees with you or dares express an opinion different from yours
    you call down sanctimonious thunder upon their head. Man isn’t it enough just to be firm in your own conviction, without delivering a personal attack on someone with a different viewpoint. I read Guard’s reply to you. While he obviously didn’t share your viewpoint, he didn’t appear to make it personal. Just my humble opinion. Seems we should be able to disagree without being disagreeable.

    Gary

  20. Aww forget the dang arguments. Just take the post for what it’s worth.

    I enjoy watching 24 (not on tv though, it takes too long), and thought the first 3 “Jack facts” were pretty good.

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