Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened. ~Cora Harvey Armstrong~
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~Helen Hayes (at 73)~
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. ~Janette Barber~
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. ~Lily Tomlin~
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. ~Carrie Snow~
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. ~Laurie Kuslansky~
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. ~Erma Bombeck~
Old age ain’t no place for sissies. ~Bette Davis~
A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t. ~Rhonda Hansome~
The phrase “working mother” is redundant. ~Jane Sellman~
Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. ~Jennifer Unlimited~
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. ~Charlotte Whitton~
Thirty~five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. ~Caryn Leschen~
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. ~Jennifer Unlimited~
If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning. ~Catherine~
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! ~Kathy Buckley~
I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb .. and I’m also not blonde. ~Dolly Parton~
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. ~Sue Grafton~
I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on. ~Roseanne Barr~
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. ~Elayne Boosler~
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. ~Maryon Pearson~
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man~ if you want anything done, ask a woman. ~Margaret Thatcher~
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career… ~Gloria Steinem~
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor~
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. ~Eleanor Roosevelt~
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the b*tch up with cookies. ~unknown~
“I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they’re the first to be rescued off sinking ships.”
“I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.”
–Gilda Radner
“When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! ~Kathy Buckley~ ”
Wow, I had no idea. The same thing happened to me. I was put in special ED classes, and was told I would never learn to read or write. So funny considering the fact that I love reading and I am a writer. I’d love to hunt down that teacher and show her she was wrong.
Things you’ll never hear a women/wife say
I’ll swallow it all, I love the taste.
Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
I’m bored, let’s shave my p&^%$!
Shouldn’t you be down the pub with your mates?
That fart was great! Do another one!
I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes in the house.
You’re so sexy with a hangover.
I’d rather play Virtua Fighter than go shopping.
Let’s start subscribing to Penthouse.
Would you like to see a video of me going down on my girlfriend?
Just for a change, can we try anal sex tonight?
I really like football, can you take me to a game.
You’d better drive. You’re far safer than I am and besides, everyone knows women can’t drive.
Actually we shouldn’t have been given the vote, we’re better off in the kitchen.
I think a big motorbike is a good idea.
I don’t care if my bum looks big in this, let’s just go and get pissed.
We haven’t gone out with your mates for a while, shall we all go to Stringfellows.
Why can’t you let your hair down and have a few vodka chasers with me.
I know you’re already late for work, but can I gag on it just one more time.
Aim where you like, it’s really good for my skin
You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately. I don’t blame you for ignoring me.
The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
Microwave food again? Brilliant.
I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
I love hearing stories about your ex-girlfriends. Tell me more.
Let’s just leave the toilet seat up all the time; then you won’t have to mess with it anymore.
It’s only half time; you should get a few more beers in.
I’m so happy with my new hairstyle, I don’t think I’ll ever change it again.
I love when my pillow smells of fags and lager. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, you big silly.
Let’s go shopping so you can check out the womens’ arses.
I’ll be out painting the house.
I love it when you play football on a Sunday. I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
Our new neighbour’s daughter is sunbathing again. Come and look.
I know it’s a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again.
No, I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.
Let me pay.
Your mother did a great job raising you. She’s so much better than mine.
Do me a favour and forget that stupid Valentine’s Day thing. Save your money for buying beer.
I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year.
Oh, not shopping again. Let’s go to the new all-day strip club instead.
Look, I make enough money for both of us. Why don’t you retire and get that nagging handicap down to a seven or eight.
Stop getting up for night feedings. You need your sleep.
God, I swear, if I don’t get to blow you soon I’m going to burst.
I just signed up for Yoga so I can get my ankles behind my head just for you.
“I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they’re the first to be rescued off sinking ships.”
“I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.”
–Gilda Radner
“When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! ~Kathy Buckley~ ”
Wow, I had no idea. The same thing happened to me. I was put in special ED classes, and was told I would never learn to read or write. So funny considering the fact that I love reading and I am a writer. I’d love to hunt down that teacher and show her she was wrong.
Things you’ll never hear a women/wife say
I’ll swallow it all, I love the taste.
Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
I’m bored, let’s shave my p&^%$!
Shouldn’t you be down the pub with your mates?
That fart was great! Do another one!
I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes in the house.
You’re so sexy with a hangover.
I’d rather play Virtua Fighter than go shopping.
Let’s start subscribing to Penthouse.
Would you like to see a video of me going down on my girlfriend?
Just for a change, can we try anal sex tonight?
I really like football, can you take me to a game.
You’d better drive. You’re far safer than I am and besides, everyone knows women can’t drive.
Actually we shouldn’t have been given the vote, we’re better off in the kitchen.
I think a big motorbike is a good idea.
I don’t care if my bum looks big in this, let’s just go and get pissed.
We haven’t gone out with your mates for a while, shall we all go to Stringfellows.
Why can’t you let your hair down and have a few vodka chasers with me.
I know you’re already late for work, but can I gag on it just one more time.
Aim where you like, it’s really good for my skin
You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately. I don’t blame you for ignoring me.
The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
Microwave food again? Brilliant.
I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
I love hearing stories about your ex-girlfriends. Tell me more.
Let’s just leave the toilet seat up all the time; then you won’t have to mess with it anymore.
It’s only half time; you should get a few more beers in.
I’m so happy with my new hairstyle, I don’t think I’ll ever change it again.
I love when my pillow smells of fags and lager. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, you big silly.
Let’s go shopping so you can check out the womens’ arses.
I’ll be out painting the house.
I love it when you play football on a Sunday. I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
Our new neighbour’s daughter is sunbathing again. Come and look.
I know it’s a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again.
No, I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.
Let me pay.
Your mother did a great job raising you. She’s so much better than mine.
Do me a favour and forget that stupid Valentine’s Day thing. Save your money for buying beer.
I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year.
Oh, not shopping again. Let’s go to the new all-day strip club instead.
Look, I make enough money for both of us. Why don’t you retire and get that nagging handicap down to a seven or eight.
Stop getting up for night feedings. You need your sleep.
God, I swear, if I don’t get to blow you soon I’m going to burst.
I just signed up for Yoga so I can get my ankles behind my head just for you.
I like this!