Sarah Palin does not have 5 kids, she actually has 7. Their names are Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig, Chuck Norris, and Jack Bauer.
The Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin’s eyes.
The Russians sold Alaska to America because Sarah Palin would not submit to autocracy.
The Arctic Circle runs through Alaska so the Sun can have some relief from Sarah Palin’s bright glare.
Sarah Palin is allowed first dibs on Alaskan wolfpack kills.
Sarah Palin is so pro-life that she personally hog-tied two reps from Planned Parenthood who came knocking at her door.
It’s not raining in DC. Those are God’s tears of joy that McCain picked Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin’s hotness is the largest single contributor to melting polar ice caps.
Sarah Palin is the “other” whom Yoda spoke about.
Sarah Palin’s presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.
Sarah Palin fired Jack Bauer because he was too soft in dealing with terrorists.
Sarah Palin’s pageant career ended early so other women could have a chance.
Sarah Palin’s son Track is going to Iraq after the Surge, because a Palin during the Surge would have been unfair.
Sarah Palin wears glasses lest her uncontrollable optic blasts slaughter everyone. (X-Men reference)
Sarah Palin actually has Big Foot in her freezer.
Sarah Palin gave a speech in Texas after her water broke before flying home to Alaska to give birth. (Actually true)
Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.
Sarah Palin once spilled coffee on Joe Biden & one of his $400 ties from Pink.
Sarah Palin keeps her hair in a beehive to hide her ninja weaponry.
Sarah Palin will personally open a homemade can of whoopass on Ahmadinejad, Putin, and Chavez as soon as she’s done making mooseburgers for her kids.
A grizzly bear once tried to stare down Sarah Palin. Once.
Sarah Palin will send Joe Biden a pre-debate cheat sheet. The sheet will have tips on defending against Kung Fu Death Grip.
Sarah Palin became governor because five children left her with too much spare energy.
Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity’s war against the machines. (Terminator reference)
Three of Sarah Palin’s 5 kids came out sideways and she never flinched.
Global Warming doesn’t kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does. Generally with her bare hands.
Sarah Palin was the original “Deadliest Catch.”
Sarah Palin paid her way through school by hunting for Kodiak pelts with a slingshot.
Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew even in 1959 that Sarah Palin never finishes last.
Chuck Norris wishes he was Sarah Palin trapped in a man’s body.
Sarah Palin got Tom Brady pregnant, and then left him.
Sarah Palin killed and ate the Grizzly Man.
Sarah Palin killed and ate Frank Murkowski.
Sarah Palin once won the Iditarod without any dogs. She simply willed the sled to victory.
Sarah Palin wears half the makeup that John Edwards wears and still looks like twice the woman he does.
Sarah Palin once guided Santa’s sleigh through an Alaskan blizzard with the light from her smile.
Sarah Palin fishes salmon by convincing them it’s in their interest to jump into the boat.
Sarah Palin’s husband gave up being Clark Kent because journalism gave up truth, justice, ant the American way.
Sarah Palin sold the luxury jet for the governor of Alaska because, as Wonder Woman, she has an invisible one.
Betty Crocker took cooking lessons from Sarah Palin’s mother.
Barack Obama’s mother, oh, never mind.
‘scuse me while i vomit.
The Michael Phelps ones where cute.. but Palin ain’t done a thing to earn these. Yuck
“Sarah Palin wears half the makeup that John Edwards wears and still looks like twice the woman he does.”
Ha! 🙂
Sarah Palin is ready to lead on day 1. As long as she’s leading a bake sale to raise money for the local pee wee hockey league. Otherwise, if They get elected and that old fart croaks, we’re screwed!
As opposed to that other guy, where we are screwed from the get-go.
Sarah Palin is farther right than Pat Buchannan, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney and John McCain combined, and she deserves to be the next VP just as much as Infidel does.
Paul in Boca (Rat’s Mouth, Florida, eh?),
I’m an infidel, Sarah Palin is an infidel, and most Americans are infidels, so I suppose in a “left”handed sort of way, you are right. Sarah Palin does deserve to be VP as much as an infidel. Glad you got it. McCain/Palin ’08 for 8! Palin/Jindal 2016! Cry, you Victimcrats.
…not AN infid…
Actually, nevermind…we all know what you did there. It’d be mean to point it out.
not a thing wrong with being right paul
I prefer to think that there’s “nothing wrong with bring right” …except that after 8 years, you’ve got nothing left…
^ “being”
I would love to have her as my VP,I would just love to have her
It sure is nice in America isn’t it? You can be anything you want when you grow as long as you work ha, wait I mean as long as you treat pe, oops well gee golly I guess as long as your pretty you can do anything. No smarts to run this country WAR WAR WAR!!! Yeah! Kill the Iraqis, Bomb Iran, those babies in Iraq that died didn’t deserve to live. Come everybody let’s sing: Bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran. We’ll kill anyone that gets in our way and if you don’t like it we’ll kill you too woohoo! Go Palin! Palin for President! Ooops I mean VP. Especially Screw the little poor kids that Obama is trying to help, that pansy needs to grow some balls and condemn them all. Those whores want to kill babies and when they actually keep them they expect the government to help those kids see a doctor and stay healthy. KIll Democrats! Kill Liberals! Kill the trash that isn’t white! Yeah Palin all the way.
These things may sound mean and hard to say, which they are, but this is the way we act at rally’s so don’t be surprised. Not only are we the most hated nation in the world right now, but now we are the most divided. I think it’s sad that people can think this way. And I also think it’s sad that there are people who think it doesn’t take brains to run the most powerful nation in the world. I think it would be a good idea to look at both candidates from an unbias point of view first and continue to study the candidates until election day. Not to condemn the person who is different right from the start. This election is by far the nastiest I’ve seen in my lifetime. Can any of you speak about either of the candidates with true knowledge. I think the time to stop slinging mud has long past. I wish everyone in the world peace and harmony!