37 Reasons Michael Phelps is Better than Chuck Norris

Michael Phelps isn’t like a fish, a fish is like Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps can make water run uphill

Michael Phelps doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage

Michael Phleps wasn’t born he was hatched

When you say “no one’s perfect”, Michael Phelps takes this as a personal insult

Michael Phelps counted to infinity twice while doing the breast stroke

Michael Phelps can no longer shower because water is afraid of him

When Michael Phelps looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Michael Phelps

Bigfoot takes pictures of Michael Phelps

On the Asian market, Michael Phelps’ urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce

Michael Phelps can dribble a football

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Michael Phelps out. It failed miserably

When Michael Phelps falls in water, Michael Phelps doesn’t get wet. Water gets Michael Phelpsed

Michael Phelps can divide by zero

When you Google ‘Michael Phelps losing’ you get no results because it just doesn’t happen

Phelps once punched a hole thru a shark just to see down the ocean

If by some incredible space-time paradox, Michael Phelps would ever swim against himself, he’d win. Period.

Phelps doesn’t sweat, he drips chlorine

Michael Phelps recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Michael Phelps

Michael Phelps was what Willis was talkin’ about.

Michael Phelps can eat out a mermaid

Michael Phelps saved Gepetto from the whale

Michael Phelps can swim through ice

Every time Michael Phelps laughs, an undertow kills 3 orphans

When in China, Michael Phelps would order whole chickens but only eat their souls…then do the breast stroke

Rappers no longer wear bling, they wear Michael Phelps

You can find a pot of Phelps at the end of the rainbow

There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Michael Phelps…. Just kidding, Michael Phelps is first every time

People no longer go swimming, they go phelpsing

Contrary to popular belief, Phelps actually parted the Red Sea with his freestyle medley

Water would rather jump to its death than be near Michael Phelps, hence waterfalls

As a child, Phelps didn’t wear water wings, water wings wore Michael Phelps

As polar ice caps continue to melt, humans will begin to evolve to adjust to a world of water. Conclusion: Phelps is from the future

Phelps taught Aquaman how to swim

Hurricane Phelps is a sign of the apocalypse; it makes Katrina look like a muddy puddle

Michael Phelps’ sperm backstrokes

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12 thoughts on “37 Reasons Michael Phelps is Better than Chuck Norris”

  1. hmmm… some of those were kinda stupid, the rest were good. Btw if you do google “michael Phelps losing” in exact words you get some woman talking about him losing his trunks as part of her Olympic dream and then this list, lol.

  2. 75% of those you just substituted Michael Phelps for Chuck Norris. The other 25% are just dumb. An 8 year old could come up with those.

  3. Oh for chrissake… I know you yanks are proud of the fucker – good on him, tons of golds… But give it a fricking rest! He can keep his golds for all I care, but you can not even say that he deserved them!

    He is a genetic freak of nature with a unique set of combined unnatural proportions and movements ranges that makes him really good at swimming. Wow. That is like admiring a chair for being really good at keeping your fat ass off the floor!

    In my opinion Mr Phelps should be made to compete in the special olympics – with all the other people who are not quite built like the rest of us.

    I though Chuck Norris facts were getting boring, but this, this is just too much. If somebody posted a goatse image on this blog, it would be a step up from this.

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