Thanks Bill & Celeste
Month: March 2008
Killer biscuits
An oldie, but a goodie… And supposed to be a true story…
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of < ?xml:namespace prefix ="" st1 />
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. < ?xml:namespace prefix ="" o />
A customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open, and
she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the
back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
Thanks Paul
Calling in sick…
We’ve all had trouble with our animals, but I don’t think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I’m lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating.
I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife’s wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
“Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.”
“You know where the button is,” I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. “Reset it yourself!”
“But I’m scared!” she persisted. “What if it starts going and sucks me in?” There was a meaningful pause and then, “C’mon, it’ll only take you a second.”
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn’t the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she lept at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a “fight or flight” syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the “flight” option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of “been-there, done-that” paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter… and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury.
I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
“What’s the matter?” They all asked, “Cat got your tongue?”
If they only knew!
Why is it that only the women laugh at this?
“Toy Story 3D” plot revealed
… but it’ll be a while…..
From /film:
“Woody the cowboy and his toy-box friends are dumped in a day-care center after their owner, Andy, leaves for college.”
Lee Unkrich, who has been co-director on Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc, and Finding Nemo, stepped up to helm the third film in the series. Michael Arndt, the Academy Award nominated scribe of Little Miss Sunshine, wrote the screenplay.
Before the Disney/Pixar merger, the mouse house was hard at work on a third Toy Story film without Pixar’s involvement. Disney’s plot idea involved a recall of Buzz Lightyear toys, which includes Andy’s doll, which results in the Toys going on an adventure to Taiwan to rescue Buzz, who has been malfunctioning. John Lasseter and company were very unhappy with the idea, and didn’t approve.
The new plot line sounds interesting, but am I the only one who liked the logline for Disney’s Recalled story? (Note: I heard the actual treatment was horrible, but the idea itself sounds pretty cool). Either way I have faith in whatever Pixar comes up with.
Disney will be rereleasing new Disney Digital 3-D versions of Toy Story on October 2nd, 2009, and Toy Story 2 on February 12th, 2010. Toy Story 3 is being produced as a 3-D movie, and will hit theaters on June 18th, 2010.