By Dave Barry
- The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
- A penny saved is worthless.
- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
- There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Nobody is normal.
- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
- You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.
- The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
- Your friends love you anyway.
