Thanks Mike M
Ole’s car was hit by a truck in an accident. In court, the trucking company’s lawyer was questioning Ole.
‘Didn’t you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine, ?’ asked the lawyer.
Ole responded, ‘Vell, I’ll tell you vat happened. I had yust loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into da…..’
‘I didn’t ask for any details’, the lawyer interrupted. ‘Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?
Ole said, ‘Vell, I had yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas driving down da road… .
The lawyer interrupted again and said, ‘Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.’
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole’s answer and said to the lawyer, ‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie’.
Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. ‘Vell, as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and vas driving her down da highvay ven dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. I vas trown into one ditch and Bessie vas trown into da other. I vas hurting real bad and didn’t vant to move. However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape yust by her groans’.
‘Shortly after da accident da Highway Patrolman, he came to da scene.. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he vent over to her’..
‘After he looked at her and saw her fatal condition he took out his gun and shot her right ‘tween da eyes. Den da Patrolman, he came across da road, gun still smoking, looked at me and said, ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Now vat da hell vould YOU say?
Every year nearly 120,000 people die from accidents, although over 2/3 of them occur from vehicle collisions and poisonings, there are plenty of other unusual ways people kick the bucket. Here is a selection of weird fatalities for one year, taken from the most recent government statistics.
It’s amazing how quickly you can develop feeling for an inanimate object.
Alley (ALY), Annex (ANX), Arcade (ARC), Avenue (AVE), Beach (BCH), Burg (BG), Bluff (BLF), Boulevard (BLVD), Bend (BND), Branch (BR), Bridge (BRG), Brook (BRK), Bottom (BTM), Bayoo (BYU), Circle (CIR), Club (CLB), Cliff (CLF), Common (CMN), Corner (COR), Camp (CP), Cape (CPE), Crescent (CRES), Creek (CRK), Course (CRSE), Crest (CRST), Causeway (CSWY), Court (CT), Center (CTR), Curve (CURV), Cove (CV), Canyon (CYN), Dale (DL), Dam (DM), Drive (DR), Divide (DV), Estate (EST), Expressway (EXPY), Extension (EXT), Fall (FALL), Field (FLD), Flat (FLT), Ford (FRD), Forge (FRG), Fork (FRK), Forest (FRST), Ferry (FRY), Fort (FT), Freeway (FWY), Garden (GDN), Glen (GLN), Green (GRN), Grove (GRV), Gateway (GTWY), Harbor (HBR), Hill (HL), Hollow (HOLW), Haven (HVN), Highway (HWY), Inlet (INLT), Island (IS), Isle (ISLE), Junction (JCT), Knoll (KNL), Key (KY), Land (LAND), Lock (LCK), Lodge (LDG), Loaf (LF), Light (LGT), Lake (LK), Lane (LN), Landing (LNDG), Loop (LOOP), Mall (MALL), Meadow (MDW), Mill (ML), Manor (MNR), Mission (MSN), Mount (MT), Mountain (MTN), Motorway (MTWY), Neck (NCK), Orchard (ORCH), Oval (OVAL), Park (PARK), Path (PATH), Pike (PIKE), Parkway (PKWY), Place (PL), Plain (PLN), Plaza (PLZ), Pine (PNE), Prairie (PR), Port (PRT), Passage (PSGE), Point (PT), Radial (RADL), Ramp (RAMP), Road (RD), Ridge (RDG), River (RIV), Ranch (RNCH), Row (ROW), Rapid (RPD), Rest (RST), Route (RTE), Rue (RUE), Run (RUN), Shoal (SHL), Shore (SHR), Skyway (SKWY), Summit (SMT), Spring (SPG), Spur (SPUR), Square (SQ), Street (ST), Station (STA), Stravenue (STRA), Stream (STRM), Terrace (TER), Turnpike (TPKE), Track (TRAK), Trace (TRCE), Trafficway (TRFY), Trail (TRL), Throughway (TRWY), Tunnel (TUNL), Union (UN), Viaduct (VIA), Vista (VIS), Ville (VL), Village (VLG), Valley (VLY), View (VW), Walk (WALK), Wall (WALL), Way (WAY), Well (WL), Crossing (XING), Crossroad (XRD).
I had no idea there were so many.
It’s Sunday! (here in the U.S. anyway)
Grab the mic….. it’s all yours.
Tying fireworks to someone napping in a lawn chair is a little mean… but funny.
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. – Anonymous
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. – Will Rogers
Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. – Ann Landers
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. – Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than they love themselves. – Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. – Andy Rooney
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made. – M. Acklam
Ever wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. – Rita Rudner
Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never bathed a dog. – Franklin P.
If your dog is fat, YOU aren’t getting enough exercise. – Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money. – Joe Weinstein
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? We come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul – chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth! – Anne Tyler
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘My goodness, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’ – Dave Barry
Dogs are not our whole life, but they do make our lives whole. – Roger Caras
If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. – Phil Pastoret
My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am. -Tming