Colonoscopy humor

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous…..

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!’
2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’
3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’
4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’
5. ‘You know, in Arkansas , we’re now legally married.’
6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’
7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…’
8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’
9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’
10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’
11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’
And the best one of all:
12. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’

Thanks Janet B

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Lemming population control

LemmingsLemmings.  They jump off cliffs, en masse, following each other toward certain death.

Ok, not really.  The mass suicidal behavior of lemmings is a myth.

The basis for the misunderstanding?  First, lemmings live near the Arctic but do not hibernate. Instead, they are constantly foraging for food, even in lean (and very cold) winter months.  Often on the move and traveling in large groups, the law of averages takes over: a percentage of them are going to succumb to tragic deaths — falling into rivers, off cliff-sides, etc. Second, every four years, the lemming population takes a dramatic plunge (pardon the pun), approaching near-extinction levels.   Combined, we get a neat — but untrue — old wives’ tale: that lemmings keep their population in check by following each other into committing suicide.

But evolution holds that this cannot be true.  The surviving lemmings simply wouldn’t have the genes which made them predisposed to mass suicide; therefore, the behavior would wane with each passing generations, and finally disappear after a while.   But the lemming population still goes through the same quadrennial boom or bust cycle.  Mass suicide simply isn’t the reason.

The rest of the story

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Deer camp

Deer campFour guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going.

Ron’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site
only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and
dinner cooking on the fire.

“Man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?”

“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?'” I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had
handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said,”Do what ever you want.”

So, Here I am.

Thanks Ronnie

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What a real woman does

A real woman is a man’s best friend.  She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible. . .

No wait… Sorry… I’m thinking of beer. That’s what beer does… Never mind.

Thanks Gene

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