1. Half the people you know are below average.

2. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

3. 42.7% of statistics cited by people in arguments are made up on the spot.

4. A conscience is what feels bad when everything else feels so good.

5. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

6. [...]

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.   2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.   3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.   4. There is great [...]

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why  do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead? 

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they already know there is not [...]

13. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway… 12. Life is sexually transmitted. 11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die…. 10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich… 9. Give a person a fish and you [...]

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it was a valuable [...]

Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say “Congratulations.”

But none of them rub your crotch and say “well done”.

Thanks tdc

Have you ever wondered if the bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper’s butt crack? If not, you’re wondering now.

Have a nice day ..

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I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can thinkabout is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my ownstory that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment [...]

Thanks Mike F