Bits and Pieces » Sex

Open Mic Saturday

Jonco — Sat, 26 May 2012 14:00:49 +0000

Las Vegas: Our big B&P Goes to Las Vegas is next weekend. I’ll be leaving on Thursday. I’m going to try and pre-post some things before I go, but there will be fewer posts than usual for the next week or so. I’ll have an open mic while we’re gone also. I think I might just do just one Open Mic and pint it to the top of the page. Posting from Las Vegas will be sporadic I suspect. A final email will go out to all attendees on Tuesday or Wednesday. It’s not too late if you want to join us in Vegas!

Sunday: I’ll be away most of the day Sunday as I’m going to a big Memorial Day Pignic.

Tuesday: I’ll be away half the day on Tuesday because I’ve been asked to do some fill-in work at the local Toyota dealer.

With all this time away I’m not sure when I’ll have time to pre-post things but I’ll try.

What’s going on in your neck of the woods?

Siri, What’s the best smartphone ever?

Jonco — Sun, 13 May 2012 11:46:46 +0000

via

Julia Sweeney On The Birds And The Bees

Jonco — Tue, 08 May 2012 19:59:14 +0000

Julia Sweeney shares a story about discussing the birds and bees (and frogs) with her eight-year-old daughter.

via

Thanks Grace

From Bad To Worse

Jonco — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:46:21 +0000

Thanks Mike (From Spain)

What if sex was clean and food was dirty?

Jonco — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:14:53 +0000

When you think of it, there are only two things people need. You got to have sex. You got to have food. That’s it. You don’t need clothing, shelter, or TV. Okay, maybe TV, but otherwise, it’s sex and food. But for some reason, some people think sex is dirty. Maybe God was a Republican.

Somebody said, “All right, you want to propagate, go ahead, but only late at night, with all the doors closed, man on top, once a week, that’s it.” But not only can you eat the charred decaying flesh of other major mammals, you can do it in broad daylight and invite all your friends to watch: “Hey, Chuck, why don’t you come over on Sunday? We’re going to kill a pig, cut him up, burn him, and eat him. Bring the kids, we’ll have a hell of a time.”

What if they had been switched around? What if, through a simple twist of fate, sex was clean but food was dirty? Our entire culture would change. Food would become a four-letter word.

When people got angry at you, they’d yell out “Oh yeah? Well, food you. Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper.” Punks in passing cars would flip you the fork. Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their chests. “Oh my goodness. It’s a pepperoni.”

Locker room talk would change. “Hey, man, how’d you do this weekend?”
“Two burgers and a bag of fries. Crinkle cut.”

Garlic would be illegal in most Southern states. Supermarkets would check I.D.’s and charge admission to the poultry section. Frederick’s of Hollywood would feature peekaboo napkins and day-of-the-week paper plates. Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection.

Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues. “All right, put down your meat. Just back away from the buns, mister.”

Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and a lot of them would move to the Bay Area. Hookers would become cooks.

You’d be accosted on street corners by plump ladies in Day-Glo aprons. “Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal? Wanna crack some crab?”

Fundamentalist Christians would make meat and potatoes a religious tenet.

Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic.

Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or they’ll go blind.

Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them marinating.

via

I have sex daily

Jonco — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:00:13 +0000

via

Snakes in love

Jonco — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 16:53:25 +0000

via

Deer attempts to hump blonde

Jonco — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 12:59:29 +0000

Some Language NSFW

via

Too much information

Jonco — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 15:57:04 +0000

An example of why we should wait until our kids finished speaking, before jumping to conclusions …

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, “Daddy, what’s Sex?”

“OK,” he thinks, “this day was bound to come, and I’m not going to let my little princess learn about sex from the streets.”

So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He tells her about puberty, menstruation, erections, and wet dreams.

Then she asks, “Daddy, what is ‘A Couple’?”

And he carries on, “A couple are the two people involved in sex, but this can also be two males or two females which we call homosexual,” and he goes on to describe masturbation, oral sex, group sex, pornography, bondage and rape, etc…

The father finally asks, “So why did you want to know about ‘a couple’ and ‘Sex’?”

“Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…”

via

Inside the mind of a young man

Jonco — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 17:11:39 +0000

Stian Hafstad is a young filmmaker in Norway and he made this short film. It’s about a student who has the tendency to overanalyze everything.

Thanks Stian