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Thanks Charles C

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Some of his sayings:

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither [...]]]> Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.

Some of his sayings:

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:

     The ones that learn by reading.

     The few who learn by observation.

     The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.   The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER…

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.

One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.  Today it’s called golf.

And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.

Thanks Bella

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not [...]]]> If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you’ll begin to think you’re a genius..
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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
    –Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
    –Mariah Carey
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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
    — Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
    –Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
    –Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
    –A congressional candidate in Texas ……
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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
    –Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
    –Al Gore, Vice President
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“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
    — Dan Quayle
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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
    –Lee Iacocca
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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
    –Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
    — Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
    –Department of Social Services,Greenville , South Carolina
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“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.”
    –Keppel Enderbery
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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
– Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Thanks Donnie Mac