The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number?”

The grandmother said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”

The [...]]]> A sweet little grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital. In a weak, tremulous voice, she asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number?”

The grandmother said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”

The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.”

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, “Oh, I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back as normal, and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.”

The grandmother said, “Thank you, that’s wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.”

The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”

The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in 302. Nobody around here tells me shit.”

Thanks DJ

Thanks Mike (From Spain)

The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out, and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, [...]]]> Two little kids are in a hospital lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out, and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze!”

The second kid then asks, “What are you in for?”

The first kid says, “a circumcision.”

The second kid says, “Whoa! I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a year!”

Thanks KLAW

Claudia Mitchell, 28, of Arkansas, demonstrates advanced, multi-degree control of the DEKA Research arm at The Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago. Mitchell, who lost her arm in a motorcycle accident in 2004, underwent targeted muscle reinnervation in 2005.

Thanks sg

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Thanks sg

Trent C. Arsenault, 36, of Fremont, Calif., told msnbc.com that he has fathered 14 children – with four more on the way – and donated sperm to between 60 and 75 [...]]]> A California man is vowing to continue his do-it-yourself sperm donor operation, despite efforts of federal health officials to crack down on the free service.

Trent C. Arsenault, 36, of Fremont, Calif., told msnbc.com that he has fathered 14 children – with four more on the way – and donated sperm to between 60 and 75 families since he started the online operation in 2006.

“Every time I log into Facebook, I’m overwhelmed with all the pictures from the families,” said Arsenault, who regards his donations as a way to help low-income people struggling with infertility.

Last year, federal Food and Drug Administration officials delivered a letter ordering Arsenault to “cease manufacturing,” or halt his service, because the computer security expert had not followed regulations governing safety precautions for transmission of human cells or tissues through donor clinics.

“We have legitimate concerns,” said Shelly Burgess, a spokeswoman for the FDA.

The rest of the story

When we said we wanted the government to get tough and go after the banks this isn’t what we meant !

Thanks Mike F

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Bacteria: Back door of the cafeteria

Barium: What u do with dead patients

Bowels: A E I O U

Caesarean Section: A suburb in Rome

Cat scan: A search for kitty

D & C: Where Washington is

Dilate:To live longer

Enema :Not your friend

Fester: Quicker

Genital: Not [...]]]> Artery: The study of paintings

Bacteria: Back door of the cafeteria

Barium: What u do with dead patients

Bowels: A E I O U

Caesarean Section: A suburb in Rome

Cat scan: A search for kitty

D & C: Where Washington is

Dilate:To live longer

Enema :Not your friend

Fester: Quicker

Genital: Not a Jew

Impotent: Distinguished and well known

Labor pain: Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff: Doctor’s walking stick

Morbid: Higher offer

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates

Out Patient: A person who’s fainted

Pelvis: A friend of Elvis

Post Operative: A letter courier

Seizure: The Roman Emperor

Terminal illness: When u get sick at the airport

Tumor: Another couple

Urine: The opposite of “you’re out”

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The anesthesiologist ordered a pitcher of stout and a double burger; the OB ordered a Reuben and a bottle of red wine; the midwife ordered their biggest plate of steak and fries with a margarita. They all sat in a booth and shared [...]]]> An anesthesiologist, an OB, and a midwife walked into a bar…

The midwife leaned over to the busboy and whispered loudly in his ear, “You can do this! Just PUSH!”

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