I think the printer wins this round.
If there’s breaking news… look for this guy.
Snort the salt…. Drink the Tequila … rub the lemons in your eyes. Yeah, it was something like that.
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children.
Then Ted died of Heart Disease.
She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Again Judy remarried, and this time
She & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they are finally together.”
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret : “Margaret, do you think he means her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?”
Margaret replied: “No, I think he means her legs, Ethel…”
Here’s a slightly used one from a slightly bitter guy in Kansas City. It’s on eBay.
Here’s the description:
Custom engraved titanium band… “HER PENGUIN”
You see, penguins mate for life. So, in theory, you’d wear this when you get married to your penguin. As it turns out, female penguins are godless, communist whores.
So, if you’ve found “your” penguin, you should get up on this quality, titanium band. In a few years, you’ll be happily married to your commie penguin, have a house, pop out a couple kids and then realize something has gone horribly wrong. At which point, the communist aspect will kick in. You’ll be booted from your own house, lose your kids, and 76.4% of your take-home income. Leaving you with a shitty little apartment, that “your” penguin feels is unsafe for your kids, despite having purchased a firearm. Got a 401k? great, with this ring, you’re sure to lose half of it. Next, lets cover what the courts like to call “equitable distribution of property” – this is fancy talk for, “your” penguin keeping most of “your” shit in “your” house, none of which she is entitled to – especially considering she is not covering the mortgage, as ordered by the court. These are just a few of the stellar things that can, and probably will happen to the lucky fluffer that buys this ring. A great and wonderous journey awaits you, my friend. Enjoy court, have fun with it, after all, the godless, commie penguin is going to get what she wants anyway. Come to think of it, skip the lawyer, save your money. Roll in there belligerent as hell and half tanked – the outcome will be the same, count on it. If you buy this ring, I’ll be sure and ship it in a “large” u-haul box – as you’re going to need it when it’s all said and done – it gets drafty living under a bridge.
If you’d like further info on this magical, hobbit-like ring, shoot me an email.
Thanks for looking, enjoy your commie misery.
Thanks Brian L
Internet search engine Ask Jeeves has compiled what it called a top 10 of “unanswerables” in the past decade.
The list is based on some 1.1 billion queries made on the site since its launch in 2000.
Here are the top ten:
1. What is the meaning of life?
2. Is there a God?
3. Do blondes have more fun?
4. What is the best diet?
5. Is there anybody out there?
6. Who is the most famous person in the world?
7. What is love?
8. What is the secret to happiness?
9. Did Tony Soprano die?
10. How long will I live?