Helga’s cruise ship diary

Shipclip2DEAR DIARY –  DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship — all my nicest dresses,  swimsuits, short sets.  Really, really  exciting.

Our  local Red Hat chapter – The Late Bloomers decided on this “all-girls”  trip.

 It  will be my first one, – and I can’t  wait!

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DEAR  DIARY – DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful.  Saw whales and  dolphins.  Met the Captain today — seems like a very nice  man.

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DEAR  DIARY – DAY 3

At the pool today.  Did some shuffleboard, hit golf  balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for  dinner.  Felt honored and had a wonderful time.  He is very  attractive and  attentive.
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DEAR  DIARY – DAY 4

Won  $800.00 in the ship’s casino.  Captain asked me to have dinner with him  in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and  champagne.  He asked me to stay the night, but I declined.  Told him  I could not be unfaithful to my  husband.

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DEAR  DIARY – DAY 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to  drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day.  Captain saw me, bought  me several large drinks.

Really is quite charming.  Again asked me to  visit his cabin for the night.  Again I declined.  He told me, if I  did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship…  I was  shocked.

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DEAR  DIARY – DAY 6

Today I saved 2600  lives.

… 
 
… 

Twice.

Thanks Gene

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Speaking Australian

In 1965, in a noble attempt to help the rest of us understand Australians, Alistair Morrison published Let Stalk Strine, a glossary of terms used Down Under:

air fridge: average
bandry: boundary
dismal guernsey: decimal currency
egg nishner: air conditioner
garbler mince: a couple of minutes
marmon dead: Mom and Dad
rise up lides: razor blades
sag rapes: sour grapes
split nair dyke: splitting headache
stewnce: students
tiger look: take a look

“Aorta mica laura genst all these cars cummer ninner Sinny. Aorta have more buses. An aorta put more seats innem so you doan tefter stan aller toym — you carn tardly move innem air so crairded.”

The book went through 17 impressions in one year, a sign the problem had gotten completely out of hand. Just a few months before it appeared, the English author Monica Dickens had been signing copies of her latest book in a Sydney shop when a woman handed her a copy and said, “Emma Chisit.” Dickens inscribed the volume “To Emma Chisit” and handed it back. “No,” said the woman, leaning forward: “Emma Chisit?”

via

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