Ten things you don’t want to know about the BABBQ

10. Everything on the grill has a long, thin tail.

9. To avoid burning, chicken breasts are covered in Coppertone.

8. The “cole slaw” is just mayonnaise and lawn trimmings.

7. The three-legged race is won by a three-legged guy.

6. Every couple minutes, the cook drops his pants and flips himself with the spatula.

5. Host tells you the burgers are 20% beef and 80% critter.

4. The steaks have been sitting in marinade sauce all night, and so has your Uncle DJ.

3. You have to sign a legal waiver before you eat the potato salad.

2. Things seem tense between your guest hosts, Frank and Kathie Lee.

1. The guests all have grill marks on their foreheads.