When seniors call computer tech support…

A scene of confusion, desperation, humor, exasperation, frustration, and anger…

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one…

Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

************************

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘can’t find printer. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it.

*************************

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?

Customer: No I can’t get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

*************************

Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five dots.

*************************

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer.

*************************

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

*************************

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I’m writing my first email.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

*************************

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.

**********************

Tech support: Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list In the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.

Customer: I don’t have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT

Thanks, Gene
 
11+

Old Goat Quiz

Great mental exercise for people over 50.  Which of the following names are you familiar with?

1. Monica Lewinsky
2. Hillary Clinton
3. Benito Mussolini
4. Adolf Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Al Capone
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods

You had trouble with #5, didn’t you?

So, you know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, sluts and cheaters, but you don’t know the Pope??

Lovely, just lovely…

sometimes I worry about you.

Thanks, Diane
15+

Questions and Answers from A Senior Forum

Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done, you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible… Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt …”

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-70-year-old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 70-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 70-plus-year-olds to have problems with short-term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eyeglasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus-year-olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “Gosh, I remember these!”

Thanks, Sari
6+