Why athletes can’t have regular jobs

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
“I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first..”

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say:
“I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,”
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
“He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings..”

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes..”
(Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
“You guys line up alphabetically by height..”
And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
“Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..”

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
“That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
“I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’
He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’”

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D:
“Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
“I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.”

15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
Phillips responded: “Because she’s too ugly to kiss good-bye.”


3 thoughts on “Why athletes can’t have regular jobs”

  1. All of these guys seem smart enough to run for president and win (despite losing the popular vote).

    • Keep in mind that winning the popular vote but losing the Electoral College vote is like passing for twice as many yards as your opponent (say, 500 yards vs. 250 yards) but still coming up short on the scoreboard (say, losing 28 – 9).

      The Electoral College prevents California, New York, and Florida from deciding who the President is–while us in the other 47 states can go pound sand.

      But as far as intelligence: the winners and losers of the last several presidential elections shows that intelligence or the lack thereof does not matter.

  2. Tim, keep in mind that your reason/excuse for the Electoral College has absolutely nothing to do with why it was instituted — which was to allow rich southern slaveholders (who viewed themselves as America’s aristocracy) to overrule the will of the people, if they chose to.

    There is absolutely no reason that the votes of people in sparsely populated states should count exponentially more each than the votes of people in more developed states. One person, one vote.

    The EC is far too easy for bad actors to manipulate through either bribery or threats and must be eliminated. What’s more, is every time the EC overrules the popular vote, we have ended up with some of the worst presidents in our history — Bush and Trump being just the two latest examples.


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