Friday Firesmith – Divorce Papers

Today I went into a store and there behind the counter, facing away from me, was my ex-wife. What was my ex doing in Boston Georgia? What was I doing in Boston Georgia? That’s a long story, really, but I thought about simply backing up through the door I had just entered and walking away. But then again, it’s been fifteen years this year since the divorce was final and legal, and it was a few months longer since it was over, even if it was not final and legal. Odd, isn’t it? We’ve bought into the idea that the government can decide when something is final, even after it is over.

In the beginning, when there was the first conversation with a lawyer, he told me that whatever else happened, if that woman was killed by snake bite, lightning strike, or abducted by aliens, I was going to go to prison for it. He’d done this before and seen things go horribly wrong, and the husband in the middle of a divorce is presumed guilty until Jesus and six disciples can all sign an affidavit affirming innocence and they can all pass a drug screening. I decided not to drink until I was legally single again. It’s was fairly easy because I was broke.

What I cannot prove happens but I have seen happen more than once, is that the two lawyers get together and decide how long they can make it last. Mine lasted five months. My lawyer made money off the case even if I called to ask him what the hell was taking so long. Her lawyer got shafted because she didn’t have any money and didn’t get any from me. Long story there, really.

I never did anything that was mean or hateful and I let her live with me rent free until she found a place of her own. After it was all over with she did something I don’t talk about to this day, and she’s lucky not to have gone to jail for it, or have someone beat the hell out of her, or maybe even both. “It was supposed to be funny but it got out of hand”, she told me. Yeah. Right. But at the end of all things, it was her way of trying to reach me again, emotionally, like the last bit of beer in a bottle that is made of spit that’s made up of beer, and the two mixed together are something no one ever wants to own up to creating.

Today I decided to make peace with the past and speak to her. This was an odd feeling, not unlike the day I asked for the divorce, or told her it was going to be, and just as I started to speak the woman turned around and it wasn’t her at all. She looked at me oddly because I must have had a really strange expression on my face.

It’s been fifteen years and I can’t get that taste out of my mouth.

Take Care,
Mike

 

Mike writes regularly at his site:  The Hickory Head Hermit.
 
Opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of the management of this site.
 

17 comments to Friday Firesmith – Divorce Papers

  • Jenifer

    This hit home with me this week. We filed the final docs on Tuesday 2/14…. I got to pick the day. 🙂 Thankfully I got out before I had a bad taste in my mouth. Well maybe a little bad taste but I can still be friendly. A 29 year marriage that ended 24 years ago, it was time for me to move on to a real relationship. One with trust and commitment to just me. Life is fun that way sometimes you just have to let go.

  • that1chick

    This one hit home for me as well. I also had a Valentines court date. But it was back in about 1994. It was so long ago that I was married to that guy, that I didn’t even bother to remember the year for certain. I never spoke to him again. He had a baby with someone else while we were married, and decided the right thing to do would be to marry her instead. I found out he died last year, I’ve no idea why, he was a year younger than me, so he’d have been 46.

  • xoxoxoBruce

    Divorce Lawyers… Grrrr
    The first divorce took 6 weeks, no sweat.
    The second took over 5 years, and only ended because her lawyer wanted to retire to Florida.

  • Dave in Battle Ground

    Saying this as a guy who has been in an original marriage for nearly 43 years: I suspect death over divorce is easier to handle. Especially in the long run. After all, losing a spouse to death is truly final in that you will never find yourself bumping into them from time to time (such as anniversaries, birthdays, funerals, weddings, etc.). Not so when divorced, such as was nearly your case. A remarriage goes pretty much the same way. Either way, it is never pretty…

    • Damn, Dave, that’s pretty damn smart and likely very true, also.

      I must say that I do live with the idea one day I might bump into her, let’s say, in Boston Georgia.

  • Ron Larson

    My divorce was taking forever. Good thing I live in a small town and I know many of the lawyers personally, including the one representing my then wife. So I called him directly.

    “So…”, I asked him. “I understand that you represent c***r. And you have known me for years. And I don’t expect you to do anything that breaks ethics. But has she paid you anything yet?”

    “No she hasn’t”

    “OK. How much does she owe you?”

    “$2000”

    Knowing that I was going end up paying it anyway, one way or another, I answered “I’m writing you a check for $2k today. With a letter. This doesn’t mean you represent me. It doesn’t obligate you to do anything.”

    A week later my signed divorce decree arrived. Yea!

    Not sure if that was the right way to to it. But I knew her divorce paperwork was on the bottom of his to-do list.

  • Bella

    I saw my Ex yesterday. He’s my Son’s Dad. I don’t like him but thankfully never married him and only spent 11 years of my life with him. But he’s my Son’s Dad. He came inside and broke down crying and told me he had Parkinson’s. My Son, his Dad and I talked for over an hour and I could see the appreciation in my Son’s eyes. I don’t care how he treats me anymore, that’s long gone, but it takes two to tango and my Son deserves a Mum & a Dad.

    I’m not saying that there hasn’t been ugly times, really ugly times but we get past that. Good post Mike.

    • Parkinson’s is a bitch of a way to go.

      I’m sorry to hear that.

    • that1chick

      You’re a great mum Bella Boo. I know how difficult it is to put things aside for the sake of the baby. (Always babies, no matter how big they may get) You did the right thing, your son will need your support as well. it’ll be hard for him to see his pop go through this.

 
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