Friday Firesmith – Rest In Peace Chupacabra

Friday firesmithYou have to be proud to be a human being, that is, as long as you don’t read the news. Or watch reality television. Or rescue dogs. You know, now that I think about it, we humans just don’t do enough to promote the theory of evolution at all. It’s no wonder there are so many people who don’t believe in evolution, and ha-ha, the state of Texas is actually trying to release textbooks that question the validity of evolution.

Without further ado, I offer you this…

Couple who claimed they caught a live chupacabra, chooses to have the animal euthanized

We should be grateful they didn’t catch a unicorn, huh?

So here’s a photo of the poor doomed animal before it was executed.


Wow, it does look weird, doesn’t it? So what are we to think? Are we to think that maybe this is some sort of normal animal with an abnormal condition or when we hear the sound of hoof beats do we think zebras?

“A Ratcliffe, Texas couple caged what they believed to be a legendary chupacabra. Jackie Stock told KAVU Newscenter 25 that her husband caught the mysterious creature alive on Sunday. “He saw this strange animal sitting up here eating corn,” said Stock. “He called me to come and look, and I said, ‘Bubba that looks like a baby chupacabra.’”

Show of hands of those surprised that someone named “Bubba” was involved in this.
Uh-huh, that’s what I thought.

But Arlen Parma, a fellow Ratcliffe resident, refuted the notion that the Stocks’ animal was a raccoon saying, “You know I hunted coons you know, 20 years with dogs and all that and I ain’t never seen nothing that looks like that right there.” Parma added that the beast had a distinctive growl. “Coon don’t make that noise, or a possum. What makes that noise? I guess the chupacabra does. I don’t know,” Parma told the station.

You know, if they ever, you know, start kicking people out of the country because they can’t speak the language then I ain’t seen nothing like the void that’s going to be Texas.

That’s what I would do, actually. I would trot down to Bubba’s place and find someone who been done hunted coon for twenty years, with dogs, and I would pay whatever taxonomy fee those people demand for identification of new species and we would sit down a spell, and dangnabit, we’d have us a good ole time! Whooooooo doggy!

Wildlife Diversity Biologist Brent Ortego from Texas Parks and Wildlife told KAVU, “The animal in the cage as best I can tell from the view is some form of a small canine.” Ortego believed that it was highly likely the animal suffered from mange, which resulted in the animal’s hair loss. The biologist dismissed the theory that the animal was El Chupacabra and said, “It’s never been proven to be a unique species. It was always something out there that allegedly either caused harm or threatened to cause harm to people or their livestock.”

Them college kids don’t know nothin’! Just cuz he got some piece of paper don’t mean he’s a doggone expert or sumthin’!

Oh wait. It does.

Because the Dewitt County Game Warden determined the animal to be a raccoon, on Thursday the couple was given 48 hours to either release the animal or euthanize it, or they would face fines. NBC News reported that on Friday, Mike Cox, spokesman for the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department said, “The land owner left a message on the warden’s voice mail this morning that the animal had been euthanized.”

Gosh darn, them law dogs sez we got to turn this thing loose or kill it. What’cha reckon we ought to do? I mean, it might be the only one that anybody is ever seen before? Yeah, we ought to take it out back and shoot it, with the dogs.

I’m not sure these people realize what a strong case they’re making against evolution.

Take Care,


Mike writes regularly at his site:  The Hickory Head Hermit

Opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of the management of this site.



21 thoughts on “Friday Firesmith – Rest In Peace Chupacabra

    • The whole state of Texas ins’t like that, Paul, and I’m a little more than sorry I painted Texas with such a broad brush. After all, Georgia isn’t in any danger of having most of its population kidnapped by MIT.

      But what shows up on the intellectual radar is people saying that mythical creatures have been captured by rednecks who oppose the teaching of Evolution.

      That’s not all of Texas but it sure as hell isn’t good anywhere.


      • Mike,
        The picture that you painted of Texas is (and no offense meant) but a few insignificant strokes of what has been put on canvas by media. All forms of media.
        Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, Floriduh. Pot, meet kettle.


  1. I live in Texas. I have met some highly intelligent people here. I have also met some people here who frankly, I’m shocked they can walk upright. I have met those people who want dinosaurs left out of science books, and who don’t believe in evolution. We can only hope their children are exposed to enough social media to question everything their parents tell them. Also that enough reasonable people protest those text books.
    As far as that “Chupacabra” their first clue should have been that the creature was eating corn. In looking at the photo it looks as if it’s eating with it’s front paws, typical raccoon stance.
    So not proud of Texans lately. We have good ones guys, Willie Nelson, anyone? Stevie Ray Vaughn?


    • Chick, I remember when Willie Nelson was busted for pot a few years back. I felt so much more safe knowing that a seventy something year old man was finally behind bars for smoking weed. Great use of law enforcement resources, that.

      Isn’t Chupacabra suppose to eat goats and livestock and babies?

      Corn; the other red meat?


  2. H-m-m. There isn’t any town named Ratcliffe in DeWitt County, TX. There is a Ratcliff in east TX though. A total hoax maybe?


  3. Rhinoceroses are proof Unicorns existed and have evolved.
    Rainbows are just God taking a pee.

    That should be enough knowledge to graduate from high school in Texas with both sides of the story.


  4. When I saw the picture, I thought it looked like the stray dogs running around town with a serious case of ‘kurap’. When I heard that they executed it, I felt bad for the dog. It must have felt so scared, trapped in that cage. But then you mentioned the name Bubba; and I was like “awh, well, THAT explains it.”


  5. All the people here using this article to stereotype Texans. I’m sure it makes you feel better about yourselves. You know what makes me feel better? OUR ECONOMY ISN’T BROKEN. So kindly go fuck yourselves.


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