I had my third colonoscopy today. The procedure is no big deal. The big deal is the day before… the prep that is the hard part… the big flush. No solid food all day. Only liquids and Jello or popsicles allowed and no red or purple colored ones at that. Then I had to take 4 laxative tablets at 1 pm. At 6 pm I had to drink a quart of Gatorade mixed with Miralax which is a laxative of course. The first swig or two aren’t bad but by the time you get to the bottom of the bottle you’ve had more than you want.
Not long after that I spent a good bit of quality time in the bathroom. I played games on my cellphone until my legs went numb. I got up and moved around for a couple of minutes until I was ‘moved’ back to the throne. This went on for a couple of hours and then subsided a bit. There were still frequent visits to the bathroom before bed time which was about 11 pm. I knew I had an early wake-up call for I was instructed to enjoy another quart of that toxic Gatorade at 4 am.
I awoke at 3:45 and just laid there anticipating my early morning liquid breakfast treat. At 4 am I made my way to the refrigerator and got the ice cold Gatorade, because who wants to drink warm liquid yuck when they can have cool refreshing liquid yuck. I mixed the powdered laxative into the yellowish-limeish colored treat until it was all dissolved. I then went to my computer where I drank it as I checked blog comments and Facebook. I tried to drink whole glassfuls at a time just to get it over with. You don’t sip this stuff. It was gone in about 25 minutes and then I was gone … back to the bathroom, again until my legs became numb and I had to get up.
I had to leave my house at 7:30 in order to get the the facility so I waited as long as I could to shower and get dressed. Once I got there (about 8 am) the whole procedure was like a fine assembly line. I was registered, stripped, gowned, wired up for monitoring, IV’d and prepped for the procedure which was scheduled for 9 am. I was put under with Propofol. The few times I’ve been put out I remember going under but this time the anesthetist said something like, “Bye now” (his accent made it a little difficult to understand) and I said, “Bye now? Did you put it in?” and before he could answer I was out like a light. The next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room. I was there 5 or 10 minutes when the doctor came in and told me I had no polyps but did have a few small ulcers which he thinks were from the anti-inflammatory meds I take. So, I need to switch meds for that. I was out of there by 10:30 and headed home.
Normally after one of these procedures gas is a frequent by-product but the nurse told me they use C02 these days instead of air to expand the chutes and ladders of the rearlands and the C02 is absorbed by the body and doesn’t cause all the problems the air does. That reminded me of the old piece of advice ‘Never trust a fart’ which is especially true when dealing with colonoscopy preparation.
Photo is of my transverse colon, whatever that is.