We took my mother-in-law to a nursing home tonight. She has Alzheimer’s and is deteriorating as the days go by. Her vocabulary is down to just a few short words. She doesn’t appear to know who anyone is anymore, yet she’s still friendly and giggly.
She had been living with my sister-in-law and her husband. They had help come in to watch over her and help out, but she had a fall a week or so ago and thankfully wasn’t hurt. Her absent-mindedness has become a safety issue so it was time to make this move for her own wellbeing. She just can no longer function safely in the house without 24 hour supervision.
It took a couple of hours to accomplish the move. The people at the center were as nice as they could be. The hardest part was leaving her there. We kind of had to sneak away. We just don’t know if she knows.
Granny Jo’s personality has changed so much in the last few years. She was always a health nut who took vitamins and never ate any sugar products. She’s forgotten that part of her life and now loves cookies and desserts. She was also a very private person and wasn’t the hugging type. Now whenever I’m around he she gives me a hug and holds my hand. I think being around many other people might be good for her as opposed to just sitting at home. We’re thankful that she’s pleasant and laughs a lot even though we don’t think she knows what she’s laughing at. She’s in pretty good health for an 85 year-old.
I’m so proud of my wife and her sister at how they treat her and never get upset with her. Their patience really shines through.
Just thought I’d share today’s events.
+880
Too sad. Been there, done that. Alzheimer’s (dementia) is a disease, previous life style has nothing to do with it (research can only find very loose correlation with some things). 86 isn’t too shabby.
Nursing Homes are living morgues, we all say “kill me before you put me in one of those”, but I wonder if we will really say that at the time.
I made a Living Will this year. Not a pleasant experience, but when all was said and done I felt a kind of peace. I have some kind of say now when I’m lucid, rather than let others (the state!) make them (or me when when I’m not lucid).
People say, that this disease let things shine through, that have been hidden before. It looks like your mother-in-law is a very pleasant person that just hid her desire for sweet stuff all the years before.
But then, nobody knows, whether that is true. I’m just happy for you, that she behaves the way she does. It could be far, far worse.
Best wishes
Konstantin
I’m sorry to hear this but glad that she’s content. My mother has been in a home for over 4 years now (she’ll be 78 next month, so fairly early onset dementia) She too became an affectionate hugging person, never having been one before. It was as if the dementia removed a lifelong inhibition and was a small blessing in what is a terribly cruel disease.
You are all doing the best you can for her & I wish you all well.
I’m sad for Granny Jo and for the family experiencing this truly horrible disease as the person you know slowly disappears. With my mother, we found bright spots and laughs on her good days. One day, she said she was “going to the dance” but didn’t know who she should say yes to! She was reliving her college popularity that day and we had many giggles over what she was going to wear and who “she’d save a spot for” on her dance card. I’m thankful we had that. And may your wife, sister- and brother-in-law find comfort that as she is now safe, breathe a little easier and get some much needed rest.
My Dad and his brothers had to put Grandma in the home when she was 85. She had always said she would “never go on the hill” (the home overlooked town). By the time she got there she didn’t know it and had actually forgot she smoked, she went from 1 1/2 packs a day to nothing in one step. Those last 2 years were the hardest. I went to see her near the end and she thought I was a neighbor she had in the 40′s. I played along and at least got to have a conversation with her.
A conversation with Grannny Jo pretty much consists of the words HI… YEAH….. and UH HUH.
And hugs and hand-holding, which count for more than words anyway.
My partner and i have just moved back from abroad to look after my Mother. Who was a difficult person before the illness. It’s very tiring,doubly so for my partner.Some-days patience is in short supply.
I feel for you Jonco, we also had to make the heartbreaking decision to put a loved one in a nursing home/care facility. It was dangerous for my grandmother to be home unsupervised and my mother and I both had to work. It (alzheimers) brought out another side to her personality as well.
Know in your hearts you’ve made the right decision, as hard as it may be, when it comes to the loved ones safety, that has to be first. You always have the support of your B&P family.
Thanks for all the nice comments.
Take her for a nice bike ride Jonco!
I watched this horrible condition take both of my in-laws. I recommend a book titled ” The 36- Hour Day”.
Hi Jon and Pat. Sweet photo of Aunt Blanche. She looks amazingly like your Aunt Betty! Keeping both of them and our families in our thoughts and prayers. Best to everyone there. –jj, sister-cousin