1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell alone.
2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience … and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass… then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Thanks Big Mac
Sometimes you are the bug. Sometimes you are the windshield.
Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.
man who lay woman on ground have piece on earth
Virgin like balloon – one prick, all gone.
Sometimes getting slapped on the ass when you’re naked isn’t all bad, I guess it depends on who’s doing the slapping.
Oooooh! Kinky!
Only the first time!
well if you want someone let me know
That would be quite a feat Infi, an interstate ass slapping, LOL.
Man who make love to woman on hillside not on the level.
An inchworm is neither an inch long, nor is it a worm.
The man who scratches his arse should not bite his fingernails.
The girl who goes camping with infidel must beware of evil intent.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
You can learn a lot about a paranoid person just by following him around.
LOL
A tie (in any sporting event) is like kissing your sister.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Woman who rides bike peddles ass on street…
Better to be a smart fellar, then a fart smeller