Everyone around me is so damn Happy. In some ways I am also, but my best friend died this year, and all I want for Xmas is one more damn day with her. I’m not normally one of the Broken. I have a wonderful husband and awesome children, but I go off to hide every night to cry where they cannot see me. I don’t know how to fix this, and I do not know how the HELL I am supposed to like my life without her in it. There is this void in my heart that cannot be filled. I am not suicidal, but if I didn’t wake up tomorrow? Maybe I would get to just see her again. Not gonna step out in front of a bus, but, while I don’t necessarily want to DIE, I don’t want to LIVE either. I feel like I am cheating on my Family with this pain. It’s a Catch-22. If I pretend that I am fine, I’m a liar. I go to work every day, I cook dinner every night, and I am happy taking care of them…then I wind down for the night and miss her so much.
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