Sixteen years ago today (Mother’s Day) I was in a funeral home in Farmington MO for visitation for my mom. She had died on Thursday, May 11, 1995 at a hospital in the town she called home after my dad died five years earlier. Mother’s Day was May 14 that year. She was buried the day after Mother’s Day in Greenville MO.
The first year after she died was weird around the holidays, birthdays and Mother’s Day. You just want to pick up the phone and call her, but she’s not going to answer. You still remember the phone number and subconsciously think that it’s still hers and she’ll be on the other end of the line if you call. I never did dial her number.
That eases as time passes… and as we age. I’ve forgotten the number and I didn’t even remember that she died on a Thursday. I would have bet money it was a Friday for some reason. I Googled the date just to be sure. Mom would have loved Google and the internet, but it was just hitting the mainstream about the time she died. She had a very inquisitive mind. She had traced our family history back to the Mayflower. She was very proud that we are direct descendants of the Mayflower. We go all the way back to Isaac Allerton. She did all the research the hard way; sending letters, getting birth and death certificates and visiting libraries and cemeteries. She didn’t use the internet.
My mom and my aunt Iva, who I’ve written about here and visited in Florida were half sisters. They shared the same mother but had different dads. I never knew their mother, my grandmother. She died suddenly of an aneurysm long before I was born. My grandfather died the year I was born, so I never knew him either.
I don’t know but I’m guessing my mom was about 30 in this picture. She was 74 when she died.
I miss you Mom.
Jonco,
What a wonderful tribute to your mom. She was a beautiful person on the outside and the inside. Thank you for sharing. My own mother passed away the same year, we buried her two days before Christmas.
It’s wonderful how you remember your mom, Jonco. She must have been one classy lady.I especially admire her genealogy work.
Happy Mother’s Day to every mother and everyone who ever had a mom!
… everyone who ever had a mom!
That’s quite a broad statement.
Pun intended
Thank you for sharing this. Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful woman. You can tell you were really close to her.
What a wonderful story. I just got home from the cemetery, visiting my mom. She passed 2 years ago this September 17th. I miss he so much on days like today.
Happy Mother’s Day Jonco. That was, as always, a beautiful Mother’s Day tribute to your mom.
I called my Mom this morning, and she didn’t sound like her usual self…she sounded depressed and sad and unhealthy, and mentioned how lonely she is. She talked about how all her friends have passed away in the past few years, and she has almost no family left other than my sister and me. And I’m 1200 miles away. It’s hard for her to drive and shop anymore, and she said she’s getting tired of her house, and the view of the water, and even her tv shows. It’s hard to think about it, but she sounds like she’s getting tired of living.
When I was younger, I never foresaw a time when I would only see my Mom once @ year or less, for three days at a time. And talking on the phone is getting harder as she is losing her hearing badly.
I visited her in Feb, and I’m thinking of extending my BABBQ trip by driving down to Florida to surprise her for her 89th BD on July 5th, before heading up to St Louie for the hoolie on the 9th. I just don’t know how many more times I’ll see her. This morning’s call really brought me down.
Fellow B&Pers: Visit your Mom today. And if you can’t, at least call. If there’s “a problem” between you, start to try get it resolved and behind you. Like Jon said, you never know when she won’t be there to pick up the phone anymore ♥ .
Thoughtful words, DJ. Have been in that position worrying about in-laws. So difficult to be there for our parents when they are far away.
Six years ago my mom sold home of 55 years and came to live with me. She will be 90 in July. Though slowing down, she enjoys excellent health, still drives, and lives to keep house, shop and play the slots.
There are definitely advantages vs. disadvantages with our living arrangements. But we proved to be quite the team.
That’s awesome. I’m sure you’ve both risen to a whole new relationship in that time. Happy Day to both you and your Mom
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That is a great tribute to your mother. My mom passed away in 1995 on Linda and my anniversary, and I felt the same about her in many ways. That first year was hard, not only because of the big hole it left inside me, but partially out of fear that the hole would eventually disappear. Now I know that the raw parts do heal and stop hurting, but that hole remains and even is a nice place to go and visit her memory sometimes.
My Mom passed away March 23, 2009. It was a blessing that released her from the bondage of Alzheimer’s. She had always been a fantastically smart and strong person which made it horrible to see her become somebody who did not recognize any of the family including me. She had fallen and the nursing home got my permission to take her to the hospital for a checkup. In the middle of the night, her heart quit on her and it took twenty minutes to revive her. When I got to the hospital, she was only alive because of the machinery hooked up to her. The doctor asked my permission to let her go and after a few horrible, guilt-ridden minutes, I told him to do it. My wife and I sat with her for her last minutes, the longest minutes of my life. She had always had a fear of dying alone and I was not going to let that happen. She is buried about three miles from my farm and I get by there every month or two to say “Hello”. I still question my decision, but it was the right thing to do.
Hug your Mom and tell her you love her…not just today, but every chance you get…
p.s. I still remember her telephone number.
I can relate to you Richard. My mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s, but her body is in pretty good shape for almost 84. She’s here with us today but hardly knows it. She can’t put sentences together any longer and doesn’t really know anyone’s name. no matter what you say to her, she’ll answer “Yes… yes… yes”, or “Hi…hi….hi”. She will sit for hours playing a skewed version of solitaire. Her eyesight isn’t very good any more either. It is really sad.
Reading this and all the comments made me misty eyed. Sounds like you all have/had wonderful moms.
<3
misty eyed hell, I was bawling like a baby, one of the reasons I love this site is the people here. Ya’ll are funny as Hell, but human too, these stories are real tear jerkers. I’m gonna go get some tissue now, Jonco your mom is gorgeous.
Yes, Chick, Jonco has gathered a fascinating group of followers. Thoughtful, serious, funny, sometimes simply idiotic!
Thank you Jonco. Thank you B&Pers. You make my day – every day!
Thank you for being a part of the neighborhood.
Thank you!!!
Jonco – it was a pleasure reading your tribute to your mother. You honor her with your memories of her, and I’m sure she’d be proud of you. Thank you for sharing with us!
I loved my Mum, she was my best friend. We went on trips together everywhere and except for the time that she tried to blow me up, lighting a ciggie, she forgot, with an oxygen tank, WE HAD A BLAST! Miss ya Mum. Love you. Thanks Jonco.
Fond Memories. Love them while they are here.
I love that picture of your Mum. I would love to know what she was thinking, she has a bit of a Mona Lisa smile on…
xxoo
I was never very close to my mother. She died just 2 months after being diagnosed with breast cancer. I regret that I didn’t know her better.
That was nice, Jonco.
I lost my mother in early 1996, to complications from MS. I remember listening to Prairie Home Companion that year, on Mother’s Day weekend. Garrison sang a song about mothers, and the words and melody had me a blubbering mess for the rest of the evening. I wish my mom was still around, if only to kick some sense into my dumb ass when needed.
Sorry, gotta go blow my nose.
Even if we don’t want to admit it, we learn a lot from our moms.
Thanks so much for sharing your story Jonco. It was really touching, and I’m sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was a lovely person. Big hugs to you. xoxo
Thank you.
Nice homage to your Mother, Jonco. With my mom battling cancer lately, I guess I’ve learned to appreciate her all that much more and I know when the day comes that I do have to say goodbye to her it will be a sad day for certain. I’m trying to enjoy all the time that I can with her now while I can.
I think you have the right idea…. you’ll never regret that time you spend with her.
In all my life I never lived more than 15 minutes from mom. The sad trade off; I took her for granted. Her mother and grandmother both lived well into their 90′s, and I foolishly assumed mom would too. No known sickness, and there was no having to watch her waste away from some disease, physically or mentally. The trade off; In August 2007, mom at just barely 70, and from all appearances healthy, strong and vibrant, died in her sleep.
I called her the informer, she always kept me up to date on weddings, funerals, reunions, get togethers etc… Soon after August 2007 I found myself missing weddings, funerals, reunions, get togethers etc… The bittersweet trade off; I began hearing from people; things I did not know. Like “When I found out over a year ago that I had breast cancer, once a week, every week your mother mailed me either an uplifting card or a handwritten note of encouragement.” Or “When my husband/wife/mother/father etc.. died, your mother came to visit bearing a carload of food that she had cooked, why we had leftovers for days.” This from a grown woman “When I was 10, my dad left my mom. Mom was doing her best to raise me and my two sisters but when Christmas rolled around we knew not to expect anything. A few days before Christmas your mom showed up with a carload of brand new clothes for us kids, my sisters and I will never forget that Christmas.”
Moms: Cherish them while they’re here. Cherish those fond memories if they’re gone.
Gary, I couldn’t have said it better.
Oooo, yo’ mama has pretty cheekbones!!
What a sweet tribute to your mom. It is a beautiful picture. I think she looks like Jodi Foster.
Thank you for sharing your personal stories! I love to hear about Gus and Trixie, too!
Very nice. Your Mom was beautiful.