A well written police report

Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Georgia, told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket.  When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

   Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the “Toys for Tots” program.  Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the Marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.

   After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene, Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.

   The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw… injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine.

Now that was a well written Police report.  

Thanks Tommy Salami

17 comments to A well written police report

  • MCW

    Ah, yes, my humble little hometown of Augusta. One thing we do right is fill the newspapers with police reports. I’m sure on of those Marines even helped the poor man up after his little slip.

  • Jim C

    Stories like this are suppose to pump up our collective patriotic pride. Nothing says patriotism like the idea of four marines beating the crap out of a black man (“Tyrone Jackson” really?). The true story is much more mundane; Tracy Attaway did attempt to steal a laptop. was stopped by marines and members of the store’s loss prevention team, did pull a knife, and did cut Cpl. Duggan. However, Mr. Attaway was not injured and Cpl. Duggan received wound that required a small number of stitches and was released immediately from the hospital.


    • Jonco

      Looks like a lot of creative writing going on there. Thanks for the update.

    • Bella

      Even I figured this out on my own that this probably, maybe, kinda wasn’t real but some days you just want to stick your head in the oven.


      It was a good joke though.

    • Nick

      Jim C: Since when does the name “Tyrone Jackson” connote a black man? When I hear “Tyrone,” the first thing that comes to mind is Tyrone Powers. When I hear Jackson, I may think Jesse, or I may think Andrew. Sounds to me as though you’re guilty of racial stereotyping.

    • Jarrod

      Nothing like playing the race card…
      Why can’t what happened be simply about what happened, rather than about how the poor black man is a victim?

  • hbshrimp

    yeah and not a very well written rpt either…i’d get that sent back to me from my sgt in a heartbeat for lack of details

  • Sander

    LOL, Tyrone Jackson.

    Yeah, this woulda been a good joke if it was just completely not even loosely based on a true story. They could have excluded location, names, etc., and the joke woulda been funny.

  • Tsk!Tsk!Tsk!

    I wish it were true. We should make sure that our Marines are armed at all times and have the absolute right to protect us from all enemies, both foreign and domestic.
    Enemies like shoplifters that steal money out of our pockets thorough prices increases to cover the stores’ losses. Enemies like race-card-playing ‘victims.’ Good riddance.
    It will also save us a fortune on prison costs and supporting all the ‘no-father-paying-child-support’ baby mamas and their spawn that are on welfare.

  • TO Tsk!Tsk!Tsk! There’s ALLOT of truth in your statement(s)
    It doesn’t matter race/creed/religion, if they’re endangering or breaking those laws, take care of them. We wouldn’t have to worry with prison costs, appeals or statys of execution. Just take them out and call the meat wagon. Notice in allot of those other countries, you steal, you lose your hands. Crime rate goes down quickly! Hard to keep doing things w/o extremeties! lol

  • clayface

    Semper Fidelis, we are proud to call ourselves the United States Marines

  • Highfire

    TO: Having lived in Saudi Arabia for several years the fact is the severing of hands really doesn’t reduce the crime rate. You just see a lot more people walking around with one hand.

  • hoterdaktyl

    to: highfire…it certainly must reduce the instances of repeat offenders

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