A few classic blonde jokes

Two blondes with hammers, Carol and Donna, were doing some carpentry work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, ‘Why are you throwing those nails away?’ Carol explained, ‘When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.’ Donna got completely upset and yelled, ‘You moron! Those nails aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!’

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see ‘Closed for the winter.’

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. ‘How did this happen?’ the emergency room doctor asked her. ‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied. ‘What?’ sputtered the Doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?’ ‘No, Silly,’ the blonde said. ‘First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I’m not shooting myself in the chest.’ ‘So then?’ asked the doctor. ‘Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, ‘I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I’m not shooting myself in the mouth. ‘So then?’ asked the doctor. ‘Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: ‘This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

A blonde was driving home after a game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees, and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her, and asked, ‘What are you doing?’ The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, ‘Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.’

A blonde was shopping at Target, and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, ‘Why, that’s a thermos…..it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.’  ‘Wow, said the blonde, ‘that’s amazing….I’m going to buy it!’ So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. ‘What’s that?’ he asked. ‘Why, that’s a thermos…..it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,’ she replied. Her boss inquired, ‘What do you have in it?’ The blond replied…….’Two popsicles and some coffee.’

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, ‘What’s the matter?’ The blonde replies, ‘Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.’ The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, ‘Why don’t you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.’ ‘Thanks, but I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it, and I have the best chance of doing that here.’ The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass, and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office, and sees the blonde crying hysterically. ‘What’s so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?’ he asks. ‘No!’ exclaims the blonde. ‘I just received a horrible call from my twin sister. Her mother died, too!’

Thanks Gene

2 comments to A few classic blonde jokes

  • Maoman

    Blond, Brunette, and a Redhead were all stuck in a desert. Nevermind how they got there, but they had been out there for days, with no hope of rescue and nearly dead from dehydration. Fortunately, they managed to stumble onto a genie’s bottle. The Brunette says a little prayer and rubs like mad, and lo and behold, a genie popped out. Seeing the three of them, he said “Well, I normally give out three wishes to whoever rubs my bottle, but seeing your state, I’ll give one wish to all three of you.” The Brunette sighs and says “I’m hungry and I need a shower. Can you send me home?” *POOF* off she goes. The Redhead, excited, says “I’m thirsty and I want to see my Family. Can you send me to my parent’s house?” *POOF* She disappears as well. The Blond thinks hard about what she wants most, and says “I’m lonely and I miss my friends. Can you bring them back?”

  • dabba

    Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

    An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but could not
    understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don’t get it — why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up
    again?”

    The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, “Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.”

 
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