27 thoughts on “John Cleese rants – Soccer vs Football”

  1. “So, American football is played like a series of advertising jingles, while soccer is played like jazz.”
    Spoken like a true non-musician, or a jazz neophyte (that is, someone who is completely clueless as to what constitutes “jazz”).

    After watching the video from isiah, it looks more like soccer is really just 22-man “perfeshunal rasslin'” …

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  2. Around here, kids start playing soccer at about 3 years old, but eventually they grow up and get involved in sports instead.

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  3. Around her, kids start playing soccer at about 3 years old, and unless they grow to 6’4″ and 275 lbs., they stick with it.

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  4. As @Reader points out, there can be moments in soccer that rival the dog getting pwned by a deer. It’s all about perspective. And the fact that sports in general involves a history of violence.

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    • Beer, gas-guzzlers, explosions, minimal mental activity. That’s a redneck favourite right there.

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  5. I’ve heard a lot theories as to why Americans don’t like soccer, and they’re all wrong. These theories range from Americans like complexity in their sports to advertising breaks and so on and on. Wrong wrong wrong. Most sports require two things. One is power(speed/quickness and strength). Two, have nice touch on the ball. Let’s take a look at the big three American sports.

    Baseball, a pitcher needs to have a nice touch(change up), but power ball (strikeouts, homeruns) makes the highlights. Greg Maddux has a devastating change, but Barry Bonds makes the news.

    American Football, only the quarterback needs to have a nice touch on the ball. Every other position mainly requires power.

    Basketball comes the closest to soccer. A shooter’s touch is good only if you’re a shooter. If you’re Shaquille O’neal, you can power through with strength and quickness without a shooter or passer’s touch ala Larry Bird and Magic Johnson.

    Soccer requires a nice touch, shooter or passer. You can’t power through a goal with harder kicks, blazing speed, or monster size. Power is what we Americans understand. It’s what we love.

    I like both Football and Futbol. My observation is purely objective. I hope this clears it up for everybody.

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    • oy! Cricket. “The Gentlemens’ Sport”…! I was watching a friend’s cricket team play one day. Another friend (who was also very familiar with baseball) was explaining cricket to me in parallels to baseball. It was all starting to make complete sense to me. I was getting it! I was understanding the game. Then…one word crept into my head: “Why?”. All that understanding I’d accomplished? Poof. Gone.
      I can’t stand cricket.

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  6. I’ve seen a few of these attacks, like the British have finally realized they can make fun of us for this one. But I have a question for the Brits. Is a football(soccer ball) made out of a foot?

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      • My point exactly. Is a football “american football” named well? No, but same logic and reasoning as soccer (football). It was supposed to be a light funny comment. Now that you called mine dumb, I’ll return the favor.

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        • ha well the logic is more to do with the game so calling soccer “football” is more logical than calling American football “football”. It’s like baseball is played with four bases you have to touch to score. In basketball you have to put the ball through the basket to score. Racquetball you use a racquet. Volleyball you have to volley the ball. It’s more-so the fact that calling a sport “something-ball” has the general consensus of being a quick explanation of what that sport is about. Like with tennis, croquet, golf, cricket, rubgy, etc. the names in themselves don’t actually explain the sport. So, despite the name football, which should normally fit in the first category, American football ends up being in the second category while soccer/football fits into the first one.

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  7. Who cares, it’s just a joke. Next to that, who do American film producers usually use for cunning criminals? That’s right, brits. Give us something to fanny about with will ya.
    If you all know John Cleese (Which I think you all do) you should know this is just to take the piss out of all of you. Just like you do with us. We don’t mind, you shouldn’t either. It’s a joke.

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    • The funny part is when Americans make a joke like this we are suddenly put in this evil horrible nation spotlight or called hicks or damn yanks. I don’t think the brits take the jokes well at all, but because the brits can do it with a sophisticated sounding accent, well they are just hilarious.

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  8. And now for something completely different. Let’s make fun of other sports. Cricket is the only game played where the professionals are blithering drunk and can still somewhat win. Are there actual crickets involved? Rugby also known as Rugby Football would also be ill-named I would think. It also doesn’t involve a rug somehow. And for our Australian friends Australian rules footbal could be considered a close relative of the ill-named american football, just not as interesting.

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  9. I watch the Super Bowl and some World Cup matches, and little else of either sport. About the only thing that is comparable between them is the name, football, and the shape and size of the field. So why even make a comparison unless you are annoyed that we collectively don’t give a hoot about soccer? Sounds like an inferiority complex, but a funny one when Cleese does it.

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  10. @Buckwheat
    True. The thing is with quite a lot of American humour, is that it’s usually the same as dutch humour. Mostly sex, wee/poo, and dumb blond females. Yes English do the same at times, but it’s the way you translate it that makes the difference.
    Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen and heard a lot of American jokes that I think are funny, but not everyone shares the same emotion.
    Like a few of my dutch friends; they don’t think I’m funny, while I think they’re not funny at all.
    I found a video on Youtube called “Jiskevet – English sports” It’s made by a few dutch people.
    You should have a look at that if you’re interested in seeing how english sports usually are.

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  11. How about spelling maneuver as manoeuvre or theater as theatre? Does John Cleese think these words are spelled the way they sound?

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