1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He
acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to
be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me..
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse…
22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Thanks Bella
Did you hear about the man who wanted a brain transplant? Fortunately, the doctors were able to change his mind.
The French only have a single egg for breakfast because one egg is an oeuf.
Jonco – I like the snow fall.
I was scared that my monitor had cooties or dandruff. Whew!
Somebody hacked Scott’s computer!
These are like a mixture of entries from Confucious and Scott’s Big Book of Puns and Jokes.
Woman who ride bike peddle a$$ on street.
Man who cook carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
and so on and so on.
Richard – Man who kiss girl on hill not on level.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
I’m too busy applying for a mortgage to read these comments about me. As a matter of fact, leave me a loan.
(Kidding, that one just popped in my head.)
A Skunk’s best weapon is actually his instinct.
I cut myself with a knife last nite.
My body was so mad at what I had done
that my blood began leaving through the incision
forming a picket line and refusing to return.
There was so much blood that I wasn’t able to put on a band-aid
Eventually, my white blood cells crossed the picket line.
The blood dried and my body healed. I can still hear the cries of the red blood cells:
F’ING SCABS!!!!!!!!!
Little correction:
Fruit don’t fly like banana.
Banana flies like a fruit.