You have the bladder capacity of five people
You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience
You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air
Your idea of a good time is a “man with a gun” call
You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you
You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills
You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see
You have your weekends off planned for a year
You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce
You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it’s located
You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: “Suicide…getting it Right the first time.
You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably
You think caffeine should be available in IV form
You believe anyone who says, “I only had two beers” is going to blow more than a .O8
You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around
Anyone has ever said to you, “There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me.”
People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places … and you know where it’s located
You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body
You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession. (ISN’T THIS THE TRUTH!)
You walk into places and people think it’s high comedy to grab their buddy and shout, “They’ve come to get you, Bill.”
You do not see daylight from November until May
People shout, “I didn’t do it!” when you walk into a room and think they’re being hugely funny and original
A week’s worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks,and 5 pairs of underwear
You’ve ever referred to Tuesday as “my weekend”, or “this is my Friday.”
You’ve ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, it sure is quiet tonight.”
Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you
You find humor in other people’s stupidity
You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you’ve eaten
You feel good when you hear “these handcuffs are too tight.”
where’s the donuts?
Similar (with slight variations) for EMS…
Good point Paul. This list is bogus… or at the very least – incomplete!
Speaking as a former teacher, I can say that at least 3/4 of these apply to teachers…
If I could write ammo off I would die a happy happy man.
crap i must only be half of a cop, only half of these apply to me…as for the donuts, some of us aren’t lucky enough to have a donut shop in our jurisdiction
You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air
Book’em Dano
You have ever tazered someone just because they weren’t respecting your authority.
You have ever charged someone with possession with intent to distribute for having a dime bag.
You have ever confused “probable cause” with “being black”.
You know you’re a cop if…
You hear the joke “Aren’t you a bit fat for that Batman belt?” too often.
(Reads Ozzy’s comment)
(Sighs)
(Rubs eyes with hand in mild amount of pain)
(wonders about Ozzy’s age)
(debates if he should bother verbally defending people who try to stop rape, murder, and robbery)
(decides not to bother and goes on with life)
a fair amount of these apply to social workers as well.
isiah, I understand your frustration with my comment but those few bad apples really do spoil the whole bushel. I will explaing each of my statements individually.
I think the tazer thing has gotten completely out of control. It should be used as a last resort to keep the officer safe, but it isn’t being used that way.
We are locking up way too many people for minor drug charges. A little pot has never killed anyone, but it looks good on the officer’s record to have a drug bust.
Being black in the wrong part of town at the wrong time of day is suspect in my neck of the woods and will get your car searched. It’s absolutely wrong and it happens all the time.
btw, I’m a 39 year old white male and have never had so much as a speeding ticket. I have all the respect in the world for those officers out there investigating murder, rape, robbery etc. It’s the vice cops and patrol officers I don’t care for.
thank you ozzy for not liking me and having never met me. yes there are a few bad apple cops out there. and trust me, i had to get tasered to carry one–i will taser anyone before i EVEr pepper spray them–oc spray is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse and more long lasting, the taser is done when it is. and btw–i haven’t tasered anyone “verbal judo” is usually much more effective. besides it’s better to be tased than to be shot, wouldn’t you say?!
hbshrimp, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pass judgement. Well, maybe I did but I apologize. Let me stick my foot in my mouth again. I guess I can say that patrol officers are somewhat necessary and it’s the vice cops I don’t like. Actually, it’s not the cops I don’t like it’s the idea behind it. I really don’t think we need someone out there protecting people from themselves. It’s just another part of “Big Brother”. But back to the tazering subject. of course it’s better to be tazered than to be shot, but it’s not a this or that situation. If you have a suspect that is a threat to your life, shoot them. I have not problem with that. It’s the frequent tazering of people that could just be cuffed and stuffed that bothers me. There was a story on the news just last week about an officer that tazered a 10 year old girl.